Today is day 249 of being pregnant. Most people count their pregnancy in weeks, but I prefer to count it in days. I check off each day in chalk on a wall in my bedroom, you know, just like those prisoners held in solitary confinement for an extended period of time... cause I feel like a prisoner trapped in a big 'ol fat suit. Before I forget, I wanted to jot down a few things to remind people when interacting with huge, irritable, pregnant ladies:
For those of you with pregnant friends -
You do not need to begin every single conversation with "How are you feeling?" or "You're huge!"
Please do not say "almost there" when your pregnant lady friend is only at 36 weeks.
For those of you gents who are lucky enough to have a pregnant wife -
Never ever say to her, "You're just emotional because you are pregnant," even if it's probably true.
Please refrain from making sumo wrestling sounds when she kneels down for family prayer and then struggles to get up again.
Do not mention during church that you really feel inspired to tell her that you guys should have lots of children. Unless you are a Duggar, most women prefer to discuss family size when they are not uncomfortably pregnant.
Also, please don't point out the fact that she pants when walking more than 10 feet. That's rude.
If your really cool friend tells you she is planning a homebirth, please don't say -
"That's so brave of you. If my kid[s] weren't born in the hospital he/she/they would have died!" ( Of course there are high risk situations where babies need to be born in the hospital, but when 90% of the people say this to me, I want to start yelling.)
Finally, if your mommy is pregnant, her belly is not a toy. Don't try to climb on it, ever. It hurts.