11.16.2010

JOSHUA


For those of you who didn't know, my nephew, Joshua, passed away last Tuesday. Rather than re-tell the story, here is an excerpt from what was included in his funeral program:
Joshua Lonati Uipi, precious son of Salesi and Kaci Uipi, was born October 10, 2010, in Phoenix, Arizona. He was only able to spend one short week of his life as a happy, healthy baby boy before returning to St. Joseph's Hospital. His family watched helplessly as sweet Joshua grew sicker and sicker each day despite excellent care. After three difficult weeks and much prayer and fasting, Baby Joshua returned home to his Heavenly Father.

Loving family members surrounded his small hospital bed and sang
I am a Child of God, then took turns holding him in the rocking chair for many hours. At 2:58 p.m. on November 9, 2010, Joshua passed peacefully in the arms of his mother. The day before he died doctors diagnosed him with Chronic Granulomatous Disease, a rare genetic disorder that hampered his ability to fight the yeast infection that attacked his lungs. CGD occurs once in every one million persons. All who knew Joshua agree that he truly was one in a million.

Kaci and Salesi at the burial

So on Friday, I drove out to Phoenix for the funeral. Erik had to work so he wasn't able to come, but it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise since I was able to leave the kids in California. The entire weekend was so emotionally draining, I can't imagine how hard it would have been to have the kids there.

Not having the kids this weekend, left me with a lot of time to think. I spent a lot of time wondering why this hasn't happened to me yet. Why do I have two healthy children? It felt strange being an obviously pregnant woman at a funeral for a one month old. People kept asking me if I was excited to have a girl and all I could think was, "Well, yeah, if she lives!" I didn't say that, but I wanted to. My sister thought Joshua was healthy and then less than a month later he dies. I thought about how quickly life can change. I don't mean to sound angry, it's just been an emotional few weeks. My heart breaks for my sister and brother-in-law. It's one of those things that I wish so badly that I could fix for them, but I can't. No matter how many times someone says that "he is in a better place," it still doesn't change the shock of suddenly not having a baby here that you were expecting.

Ugh.

November has been crazy. I'm looking forward to the rest of this month being less chaotic. For the first weekend in 3 weeks, I'll actually be home!

21 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry for your loss and your family's pain. I wish you a happy and peaceful rest of the year.
    Take Care of yourself.

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  2. Oh my. My heart is just breaking for Kaci and her husband and your whole family. You're all in my thoughts and prayers. I feel the same way as you...it's hard not to be cynical when these things happen and you realize how quickly things can change. He truly was one in a million.

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  3. My heart is breaking for them, too. I know that God has a plan for all of us, even if we don't understand why we have to go through these things. Kaci and her husband will definitely be in my prayers.

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  4. I don't know why but I think you posted the most depressing looking picture from that day. I thought it was a beautiful service and I'm so happy that so many people were there to share it with.

    I really miss him. It breaks my heart that I won't get to see him grow up. But I do feel so much comfort knowing I will see him again one day and he's not REALLY gone, he's just not HERE anymore. I can't really be sad when I think of it that way. Our time on earth is only but a nano-second compared to eternity.

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  5. Cristin, I'm so sorry to hear that your nephew passed away. What a difficult trial for your whole family, especially your sister and brother-in-law. I sometimes find myself with some of the same thoughts, about not knowing how things will turn out with this little one I'm carrying. But I try to remain as optimistic as I can. Of course, we always hope and pray for the best but it's not always what Heavenly Father has in mind. I just hope I will be able to handle the trials I am given. My miscarriage last year was pretty hard, but I know so many people have trials that are much more difficult, mine really doesn't even compare. We will keep your family in our prayers!

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  6. I am so very sorry. My own sister buried her infant daughter- it's such a hard road. There is a WONDERFUL online support group called SHARE for infant loss. It was a lifesaver for my sister. When she is ready, she may find some peace there.

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  7. What a very beautiful, and very honest post, Cristin. You're a wonderful sister.

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  8. What a very beautiful, and very honest post, Cristin. You're a wonderful sister.

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  9. I'm so sorry! I can't imagine the pain your sister, and her husband are going through. I will be praying for them, and all of your family.

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  10. It is hard to put into words the sentiments we feel sometimes. I appreciate you posting about the funeral. I have been thinking about your family during these difficult times.

    When my young cousin with cerebral palsy died my father's comments at the funeral have stayed with me. What he did here on Earth, even with his disability was he managed to teach US how to be better, more patient people. Joshua's short time here had a purpose, and losing him will not be in vain as long as that purpose is remembered.

    My deepest sympathies to you and your family, especially to Kaci and Salesi.

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  11. I cried when you posted this on facebook and I lost it again when I read those top two paragraphs. I can't even imagine. My heart goes out to your sister, brother-in-law, you and your family.

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  12. We are so sorry for your family's loss. You will be in our thoughts and prayers. We wish there was something less generic to express our sorrow, but we really do feel that way.

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  13. I feel like I know your sister (all of them actually) and I am so sad for her and her husband. That was one cute baby.

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  14. Cristin, I am so heartbroken for your family. I wish that no one else had to go through such a loss. Seeing the pictures on Facebook took me back.

    I sometimes wonder if I am being selfish. I have two, beautiful, living daughters and a son who was gone before he ever really came. I find myself saying "if" a lot when it comes to thinking about the next baby. If the baby lives. There is no guarantee.

    I have so much sympathy to express, but I do pretty poorly. I just hope that they too can get through this. It is a hard path to go. They are in my prayers.

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  15. I can't even imagine the heartache that is going on in your family right now. Since I saw your posting on Facebook, I have wondered to myself many of the same things that you have been wondering. At one point I felt guilty for being pregnant, imagining what your sister and her husband are dealing with. I too wish that there was something that I could do to fix the situation.
    I really enjoyed Kelley's comment. It kind of help me to put things back in to perspective.
    Hang in there Cristin. You and your family are in my constant thoughts and prayers.

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  16. No one understands the miracle of children like their parents, and parents who only have their children for short moment will always remember that miracle. Joshua will never be forgotten, and they have some hard months ahead, but I'm grateful they have the gospel. In the absolute darkest moments, the gospel will be what brings peace. I'm still praying for your family, Cristin.

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  17. So sad, I'm sorry Cristin! This got me all emotional. So sorry for the loss. What a handsome little boy

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  18. There's not much to say that hasn't been said, but as I read this post and looked at my 1 month old baby I cried. Right in the middle of the waiting room I was in. I almost feel guilty having him and him being healthy and fine. I had been thinking about her the passed two or three days. If I was in that position I don't know how I would function. I would probably want to shut out everyone. Kaci and Salesi are so strong. Give them all our love.

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  19. I am so sorry for your families loss. I cried reading this.

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  20. Cristin I felt so sad when I read this that I actually dreamt that I was able to help Kaci in some small way! My deepest sympathies for your family.

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