Nobody freak out. I've decided to start blogging again.*
As I was going through this summer's pictures, I realized that I never posted the story about my mother's birthday present from Alcoholly!
Sometime in the middle of June, Alcoholly handed me a beautifully wrapped gift for my mother's birthday. The next day, she left this message on my phone:
"Dearheart. Please get a pencil and write this down. [long pause] 'Only to be opened in front of husband.' Now tape it to your mother's gift. You see, Dearheart, your mother's birthday gift is some of my lingerie. Your mother informed me that this is acceptable in your religion, although it is only to be viewed between husband and wife. It is crucial that she does not open this in public."
As if I was going to let my mom open a package containing Alcoholly's old lingerie in private! This is going on the internet.
So, in July, weeks after my mom's birthday, I was able to deliver the scandalous package to her in Arizona. My imagination was running wild about what was inside. I had never seen Alcoholly's lingerie before, but one time Erik was moving something in her closet and a whole bunch of it fell on his head. He couldn't ever really talk about it without becoming nauseated. My sister, Caitlin, even came over to watch my mom open it! (Ironically, my Dad was at work.)
Now, here's the disappointing part of the story: It really wasn't that exciting.
In fact, after we opened it up, Caitlin put it on and ran around the house singing, "I Could Have Danced All Night," because it wasn't all that funny. You know, like this -
As a bonus, Alcoholly included this big pair of purple Granny Wide Sides, which are made to look even bigger in this picture since Caitlin is a size 14 in girls.
So, now you know how I spent my summer vacation.
*Mostly because Kathryn sent me a sweet death threat if I didn't post anything new.