Ugh. Traffic School.

Up until yesterday, I had only done traffic school once before in my life. That was in Utah. I went down to the police station and watched a bunch of videos about drunk driving. It was not funny at all.

However, in the "far superior" California where everything must be entertaining, they do things a little differently here. When you sign up for traffic school, the State sends you a list of about 200 approved programs. You pick one, based on the name, take the class, and the certificate of completion is automatically sent to the court.

So... about that list of schools. At first I thought the State sent me the wrong list because every name sounded like a school to learn how to be a comedian. Some real examples:

A Funny Traffic School
Laugh A Lot Online Traffic School
Fast-Easy-Happy-Online Traffic School (Asian?)
Improv-The Comedy Club presents Traffic School
Fun N Cheap Comedy

I'll Never Speed Again Comedy Traffic School

Buckle Up and Chuckle

Then I saw the schools that offered "free" pizza and comedy. Very tempting:

Pizza For Your Comedians 2 (Better than the first one?)
Pizza 4U Comedians

Then I thought of choosing one of these:

Rocket Traffic School (In honor of Erik.)
Gay Community Traffic School (A way for like minded people to meet.)
Finally a Gay Traffic School (Yes, finally.)
Autobahn Traffic School (Learn how to drive fast? I don't get it.)
8 Hour Traffic School (WHAT?!? This is going to take 8 hours!!!)
I'll Never Speed Again Traffic School (Yeah right!)

Ultimately, I chose an online school called The World's Easiest Traffic School. I knew I picked the right one when its homepage said it was actually called The World's Easiest Traffic Comedy School. Great. Easy and laughing for hours. Who could ask for more?

Guess what!? The World's Easiest Traffic Comedy School wasn't so funny. Here's a sample joke:

"My car is really old. My headlights have cataracts!"

Uh, yeah. Laughing hysterically. If that's not funny enough for you, interspersed in the text are these "Silly Signs" like this one -

As the wife of someone who works at an airport, I stared at this picture for awhile trying to figure out what made it so silly.

You know what was funny? The school itself. You may be wondering, like Erik, how they keep people from just clicking through the entire text in 5 minutes and then looking up the answers online while taking the final exam. The traffic school randomly puts strange phrases in the text for you to write down. So, about a third of the 40 question final is about remembering a phrase like, "Cats eat boogers too." in order to prove you read the text. Now that's funny.

While it wasn't as entertaining as I had hoped, I did complete the whole online course in about 3 hours while my kids were destroying the house. I was grateful I didn't sign up for the 8 hour Traffic School. Why would you name a traffic school that?!


  1. but that sure beats when I had to do traffic school there... I don't remember there being an online option, or maybe mom just didn't tell me about it

  2. This whole post is a joke, right? You made all this stuff up, you had to've. NO way somethings so serious as learning to drive more carefully could be treated all as a joke, right?

  3. Wow. The funniest part for me was that being funny seems like such a necessity for them! Life needs humor, but does traffic school need it too? Crazy! Glad you got it all over and done though!

  4. I liked the Utah traffic school so much better than the stupid comedy California one! I was 16 when I went and it was probably one of the worst experiences of my life...a woman wretching in the bathroom whose walls were so thin we could hear every groan...a whiskey and cigar smelling 60 year old who sat way too close and hit on me... not funny jokes...it was like 6 or 8 hours long too! I was so pleased when I had to go to the Utah one and it was so pleasant and short! Sorry you had to go to traffic school at all... :)



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