2.09.2010

SPECIAL DELIVERY

I just recently stopped using an alarm clock. Although deep down, I knew it was futile, something in me just couldn't let go of the hope that my kids would let me sleep in.

This morning, at 7:15, my doorbell rang. I jumped out of bed and cautiously opened the front door. (We don't have a peephole.) Could it be a special package? Or the police? Nope. Just Luke, coming in from his morning walk. I can not believe I slept through him exiting the house. I have super stealth "mom ears" now, you know? The kind of ears that hear the sounds only dogs pick up on. So much for sleeping in.

Her kids are ransacking the house, yet she sleeps through it.

Parenting magazine just printed an article devoted to sleeping in with toddlers. To summarize, their idea was training your children to be obedient. Interesting concept. One woman in the story trained her children to stay in their rooms until 7 a.m., at which time they found bowls of dry cereal on the kitchen table, and stickers showing them which button to press on the remote control to the television. According to the article, the mother was "still blissfully asleep at 8 a.m. " This is parenting advice? What kind of mother sleeps through her 2 and 4 year old banging around in the kitchen? (Probably the same kind who can sleep through her 3 year old leaving the house to walk around the cul-de-sac at 7 a.m.)

I feel like it's come to the point with my little escape artist, that I just need to teach him how to act appropriately when he escapes, i.e., stay on the sidewalk, go to the neighbor's for help, give him the PIN to my ATM card, show him how to hitch hike, etc. We actually do have a lock on the outside of Luke's bedroom door, but I unlock it when I go to bed so that he doesn't wake me up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

All I know is that there is nothing that makes me feel like a worse mom than knowing that I didn't hear my 3 year old leave the house in the morning. Nor did I witness Luke pouring a gallon jug of milk on Charlie after breakfast. Nor did I hear Charlie apply an entire tub of Aquaphor to his head yesterday.

That's not water, it's $20 worth of Aquaphor.

I'm only one person! I can only be so many places at one time!

17 comments:

  1. I too have realized that Charlotte is my alarm clock. I am happy if she lets me sleep in till 6:45. Doesn't she know that it's still pitch black at 6:00?

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  2. That is the reason my son has eaten approximately 5 cups of dog food to date (that I know about). I just can't be everywhere at once.

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  3. This post is hilarious! I can't believe all that nutty stuff! actually I can! I can't even remember when I have set an alarm clock last. lol! I'm getting a little nutty with the lol. :)

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  4. Zachary is my alarm clock. Hence the reason I haven't oiled his VERY squeaky door in 6 months. LOVE that picture of Charlie!

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  5. I have the same problem. To make it worse, my hubby sees and hears EVERYthing that I don't. And when I do, he always sees it first anyway. So I think he thinks the kids run wild when he's not home. Which they don't. I just know when he IS here, he sees and hears all first anyway, so there's no point in me paying attention anyway, right?

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  6. Haha! I read this article and thought it was crazy too- my favorite part is the mom who told her kid she could have ice cream for breakfast if she stayed in her room until 7. Seriously? Go to bed an hour earlier people, or take a nap when your kid does (which I still do, and my kid is 16 months old... no shame in that, right? Ü) No one said being a parent was easy!
    I love that picture of Charlie, I love how his cheesy grin says "check out what I got away with!" Ü

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  7. One morning I got up and found a plate of food upstairs outside of Rebecca's room. Turns out she waltzed on over to the neighbor's party after we were all in bed and brought herself home a plate of food. I asked the neighbor if he saw anyone come to the door when he walked her home and he said no, she just walked on inside. From that moment on we had a latch on the front door high high up and have had one up until just a couple of months ago for John. We used to lock her in her room at night even though I worried about fire, but we figured the chance of her getting out of bed and hurting herself were greater. My sympathies.

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  8. Just get him a cell phone so he can call you if he gets lost.

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  9. you just gave me a mini panic attack! I would die if my girls did that...

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  10. This is hilarious. And I can't even imagine my kids doing this kind of stuff and they are way older than Luke. My kids just started being okay with being on one floor of the house when no one else is on the same floor as them.

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  11. This post is gold! We once had to move houses because my 2 and half year old decided that the street was THE place to hang out (like 15 times a day) no lock could contain her.
    Thanks for sharing.

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  12. Charlie looks like Squiggy on Laverne & Shirley.

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  13. Ha! Charlie's face looks so awesome! Those crazy kids are so funny! Don't you have an up-high lock on your front and back doors? I would have thought that you, of all people, would, considering Luke's track record..you know, one like my parents have on their front door? And I'm totally guilty of the morning antics- for the last few weeks I let Leyna turn on the TV by herself and eat dried cereal I've put out until Kayla and I get up. I still wake up to her, but I don't have to get out of bed JUST yet

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  14. I am laughing outloud right now.....I love your life, Cristin, and how you write about it. This was a funny entry! Charlie's picture....oh I am still laughing!!! Love you! Did I tell you how thankful I am for you lately???? your favortie mother in law and gramma to your children :-)

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  15. That picture of Charlie is seriously the greatest. One that makes you laugh out loud no matter how many times you look at it! I can't believe Luke left! Freaky! Maybe Kelley can hook you up with an alarm.

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  16. I was totally cracking up about this post girl. How scary! George put this thing on the front door that you might want Erik to pick up. It goes up high on the frame and you flip it over so the kids can't lock the door. You might get to sleep in with it on your door :) It helps me knowing they can't just open the door and run out to our busy street if I'm half awake.

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  17. Hilarious, scary and very insightful post! You could always move to a highly secure and gated community...

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