BUST THE WINDOWS OUT YOUR CAR

We're finally home from Thanksgiving vacation after being away for 10 days. I have so much to do to catch up with my life, yet I find myself blogging. (If I ever write a book, that last sentence should be the title.)

The Thanksgiving plan was that I would drive to my parents house outside of Phoenix on Monday, Erik would fly to meet us there on Wednesday evening, and then we would drive home together on Sunday.

I was actually pretty psyched to drive to Arizona by myself with the kids. I kind of felt like I had something to prove. We have this friend, Denae, who drove with her 3 small children to Alaska by herself. Whenever I say that I don't want to go anywhere alone with the kids, Erik reminds me that Denae is the gold standard to which we should all compare ourselves when it comes to road trips with small children. How dare I think a 7 hour drive is hard with 2 kids, when Denae did days on a road in the wilderness with 3 kids!

The first few hours of the drive went great until I hit Fontana "The City of Action" California... and I mean literally hit. Without any warning, the passenger side window sounded like it had been hit by a bullet and it shattered into a thousand pieces.


I slowed down immediately, but my hands were shaking. This was Fontana after all. (Think Compton.) I've never had anything like this happen to me before. My car windows normally don't spontaneously bust as I'm going 70 mph down the freeway. It was really freaky. Fortunately, I found some people to come replace the window within a few hours and we were able to continue on our trip. According to the window repair guy, a large rock must have hit the window in the exact center, causing it to break. I'm so grateful that no one was sitting in the passenger seat.

About an hour after we got back on the road, Luke began to vomit, a lot. So, I pulled over at the first stop to a town called Desert Center (a misnomer if there ever was one) and proceeded to clean him and the car seat off using baby wipes and a quart of bottled water. Let me tell you, I had no clue how much puke the bottom part of Luke's carseat could hold until last Monday. It really is incredible.

The gross thing about a child throwing up during a long road trip is the smell. No matter what I did, I could not get the stench out of his seat or the car. After awhile, I just learned to embrace it. I didn't have any other choice.

Luckily, that was about it, after all, it was only a 7 hour trip. As I was driving, I swore to myself that I would never do any sort of road trip alone with the kids again, especially not to Alaska.

IT'S ABOUT TIME

Aunt Doris got married in a beautiful ceremony last weekend. We are all so very happy for her and Clarke.

Those who didn't go into the temple, babysat 16 small children in a tiny temple apartment. Rumor has it, the chaos was so bad that the assistant manager of the temple apartments questioned whether or not it was safe in there. It probably wasn't, but no one was bleeding when we got out of the temple, so what's the big deal?


Other than Doris finally getting married, the other exciting thing was that Erik and I hired a babysitter for her reception. Fantastic. Someone at the reception seriously said to me, "Oh these receptions are really for the children." Uh, yeah. That's why they serve peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with juice boxes. Come on!!


Take for example this picture of Erik and I waiting outside the temple for Doris and Clarke. If you look closely, you can see Charlie tugging at Erik's arm. It's obvious that whoever built those cement steps and planter boxes did not intend for small children to be playing on them for close to an hour. I'm surprised no one cracked their head open. You can tell by our expressions, it wasn't very fun waiting around with the kids.

Now, compare that to this picture taken at the reception without our kids:


New White Dress Shirt: $20
Babysitter: $30
Attending a Wedding Reception Without Our Children: PRICELESS

LABOR IS AWESOME!

Now that Charlie is in the nursery at church, I am asked a lot about when we are going to have another baby. It sounded like a good idea until I was recently reminded that labor is NOT awesome.

You would think that I know labor is not awesome because I am obsessed with birth stories. It is so bad that when I view someone's blog for the first time, I always go through and search for their "baby stories." Even if it isn't the way I would personally do it, I like to see what other women choose to do in childbirth and why. It is really fascinating to me. For about a week last year, I was even convinced that I would become a Bradley Childbirth instructor, but then decided it probably wasn't worth it. It's kind of a dying art, you know? Too many c-sections and births with epidurals. I'm digressing....


Well, last week I got a new niece. All I know about her so far is that her name is Emma, she is super cute, and she always wears headbands. My sister, Caitlin, was pretty apprehensive about labor the night before Emma was born and called me for some advice. Instead of saying what I really wanted to say ("I remember being in labor and wondering if I could just roll over and die."), I tried to be really upbeat and positive.

"Labor is great!"

"The pain is short!"

"You can do anything! You are tough!"

The following day, her midwife broke her water and Caitlin sent me this text a few hours later -

"Just wanted to quickly tell you that labor is awesome! Contractions are getting close and really strong but I have relief in between each one! Its amazing!! I can totally do this. Thanks for giving me a pep talk. Let you know when I have the baby."

Yes, that was really her, not her husband (like I originally thought), texting me while in labor. Forget what your doctor may say about serious labor starting when you can't talk through your contractions. If you can text "Labor is awesome!" then you really aren't in serious labor.*

If you guessed that her labor got much worse after that, you are totally right!

So, Caitlin, thanks for the reminder. Labor is not awesome. Oh, and people at church, stop asking me when I'm going to have another baby! I'll let you know, don't worry.

*This rule doesn't apply to my sister-in-law, Ditte.

WAKE UP, ALREADY

Does anyone else think it is weird that my almost 19 month old takes 2 naps a day?

Here's Charlie's schedule:

Awake at 7 a.m.
Nap #1 from 10-12
Nap #2 from 2-4
Asleep by 7:45 p.m.

On the days that I forget to put him down or do it late, he literally begs me to put him in his crib so that he can sleep. It makes no sense. Something else I find strange is that he hasn't once tried to escape from his crib. Bizarre. What do you think he's doing in there? It doesn't seem normal for a kid that age to sleep all day. Right?

TAKE IT TO THE LIMIT

I remember the night I found out I was pregnant with Charlie. I didn't sleep for a week. I was petrified about having two kids. I felt trapped before he was even born. I couldn't imagine ever being able to take both of them shopping or to the park. Especially when they were both mobile. AGH! The horror!

Well, obviously that has changed. Last week did a lot for my ego. It felt amazing being able to do so many things with the kids. No more being "trapped" by my own illusions of difficulty. So what if the kids are constantly running away from me in public? I can do anything!

So, on my trip home from San Diego last Friday, I decided to take it to the limit. The 3 and a half hour car trip was only part of the challenge. I wanted to see how much I could really do with the kids by myself in one day. If I had a nervous breakdown, that would mean it was time to stop.


On the way home, we visited Alcoholly for a couple of hours. I was a little worried, because when I called to confirm the visit, she emphatically said, "I can't wait to hold you in my arms again, Cat." (Who is Cat??) However, everything went well, there was no mention of this "Cat" person and she took Charlie trying to head butt her remarkably well (as pictured above).


THEN, we went to Disneyland for the afternoon. That's right, I am officially amazing (or crazy). I took a 1 year old and 3 year old to Disneyland by myself.

This was the 2nd time we had been there in a week, so I wasn't under a lot of pressure to do everything. I kept it very simple - Handy Manny show, Bug's Life rides, Pixar Parade. The only temper tantrum came when I said we were leaving and even then it wasn't bad enough to never go back.


As if that wasn't enough (remember I was taking it to the limit), I decided to take the kids into a gas station to buy Subway sandwiches on our way home. Then, you guessed it, that's when my nervous breakdown occurred.

What should have been a 5 minute visit, turned into 40 minutes. Every time we got into line to order a sandwich, I would have to run after one of the kids, lose my place in line, and start all over again. You would think someone watching my ordeal would let me keep my place in line. No. Add to that the kids grabbing every imaginable package off the gas station shelves. I finally ordered my sandwich by literally pinning Luke to the floor with my feet while using my hands to restrain Charlie. The Subway sandwich clerk thought it was "so funny" and couldn't stop laughing. If I had a 3rd hand I would have punched her in the face. Good thing I don't have a 3rd hand.

So, to recap:

Alcoholly's - Good.
Disneyland - Fantastic.
Gas Station - Causes Nervous Breakdown with Small Children.

GIRL YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE

This morning my mom forwarded me an email about Disney offering a refund* on Baby Einstein DVD's. She said, "Maybe this is a way you can make some extra money."

HOW?!? I never bought one. Remember? I always hated these DVD's! According to the New York Times -

"They may have been a great electronic baby sitter, but the unusual refunds appear to be a tacit admission that they did not increase infant intellect."

Did anyone honestly believe that these movies were going to turn their children into literal "Albert Einsteins"? What makes anyone think that parents are going to choose to give up such an amazing electronic babysitter? I just don't see millions of people running to the store to return these movies. Shocker - they were stupid. Everyone already knew that! I just don't think anyone cares. Baby Einstein is still better than parking your 2 year old in front of Transformers 2. (Which really doesn't say much.)


This reminds me of the time that I was promised a $2 refund for returning my Milli Vanilli tape when they were exposed as a fraud. I never did because a) it was only $2 and b) finding out they were frauds didn't make me like that tape any less. In fact, I think it made me like it more.

Happy Veteran's Day!

*It's not really a refund either, it's more of an exchange for a book or CD.

THEY'RE CHEAP AT OLD NAVY

I decided a few weeks ago to try something new. Now that I've done it, I'm scared that I've opened a door that I cannot close and this is not necessarily a good thing.

VELOUR TRACK SUITS!

Perhaps you've been wearing velour track suits for years and think it is strange that I am only mentioning this right now. You are forgetting that I am about 4 years behind fashion trends. Just recently I got this crazy idea to start wearing velour track suits around the house. Let me reiterate: around the house. I have no intention of becoming one of those girls who is running errands around town in her velour track suit. I just figured that since there are days when I don't leave the house, it just makes sense to me to wear "pajama-like" clothing all day long. Right?

Well, today was Day 1 of the Velour Track Suit. I was saving it for a time when Erik wasn't going to be around to make fun of me in it. It was amazing! I felt as if I was cheating the system by wearing simulated pajamas all day long. Ha ha! I only left the house once in them, but since I didn't get out of the car, I figured it didn't count as being in public.

My big problem now is that I only own one velour track suit. What is protocol? Can you wear them multiple times throughout the week as long as you change the undershirt? How often do they need to be washed? Is it bad if I wear it to bed also?

The floodgates are now open and there is no turning back. I don't care how they look, they are so comfortable. I was planning to order 5 more tomorrow, but then my future told me to be careful ordering velour track suits or Erik and I will look like this in a few years -

Not pretty.

IN THE ZONE

It's always a toss up when Erik goes out of town for work. If I go with him, I get to visit a fun place with the kids, but he usually works a lot and it can be kind of lonely. If I stay home, I have friends and normal life, but can't sleep at night because I am freaked out at the thought of being home alone. I really don't know what the answer is.

I do know, however, that I have crossed over into that realm of being able to do things with the kids that I didn't think were possible. I'm debating whether or not to stop by Disneyland on our way home tomorrow. Me, alone, with 2 little kids at the craziest place on Earth used to intimidate me. Not anymore.


This morning I needed a break and since I don't know any babysitters in San Diego, I decided to go to Ikea. I had never used their babysitting service, but from what I understood, I could visit my favorite store and they would watch Luke for free. Sounded like a WIN-WIN for me.

Apparently I was not the only tired mother with this idea today. I arrived 10 minutes before the playroom opened and there was already a line. The playroom attendant told me 5 times, "You can not leave the store!" as if I was going to never return. (The thought did cross my mind.) I didn't intend on buying anything. As I walked around the store, it was interesting how many other tired mothers I encountered slowly pushing empty shopping carts. This must be the thing to do in the big city.


If you haven't noticed, the goal during any of my "tag along" trips with Erik is to not spend any money. So, I decided to hit the Model Railroad museum today ($7 total) so that the kids could spend almost two hours mostly playing at their Thomas the Train tables. I kept waiting for them to get tired of the trains and they never did.


Then Luke almost fell into the fountain at Balboa Park, so I decided it was time to go back to the "house-hotel."


It's hard to think of a better place to be visiting with the kids right now.

WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO

Do you know those people who never turn their televisions off? It drives me nuts. Their kids eat, play and sleep in front of the t.v. I'll go over to visit and they never turn their television off while we're talking. It makes no sense to me and I love watching television. If that were my life, the guilt would eat my alive. As is, I am constantly calculating how much television/computer time Luke has a day. I have to tell myself a lot that it is alright to let him watch a movie while Charlie is sleeping so that I can get a break.

We are in San Diego this week, back at the good 'ol "house-hotel" to visit Erik while he is working here. Although I have a car and I can leave, it is a very daunting task to avoid turning on the television all day long. It is especially difficult when we are in a small room with everything (the bed and couch) facing the television. We don't have cable at home and I know that once I turn it on for Luke, it will be a fight to turn it off.


I thought Lincoln Logs would be the answer so I bought some last night for them to play with. They're more frustrating than entertaining. Lincoln Logs, I have learned, are a cross between Jenga and building a house out of toothpicks. If you breathe, it collapses. Nothing brings out the Kate Gosselin in me like Luke screaming in agony every time a log falls over. In other words, I was feeling like an awful mother because all I was doing was yelling. I couldn't take it anymore, so I turned on some Handy Manny and thought maybe those mothers who let their kids watch television non-stop really are onto something. It was a really nice diversion from being asked to fix an un-fixable "log" house.

Then, after about 30 minutes the guilt set in, and I figured I better do something amazing with the kids today. So I decided to take them to the Disneyland of all zoos.

I knew I had been to the San Diego Zoo before, but I didn't remember it. Wow. I had avoided visiting in the past because of the price of admission, but it was completely worth it. If anything, the $53 I spent today made me feel like a better mother because I had resisted the urge to sit in the hotel room and watch television all day.

My kids are troopers. First, putting up with my anger this morning. Then, Luke happily walked around the entire zoo because I didn't bring the double stroller. Finally, Charlie missed both of his naps during the 5 hours we were there and somehow we survived.


The only problem is what to do tomorrow that will compare to today. Sometimes I don't like being a stay-at-home mom, but sometimes, like today, I really, really, do.

WHO NEEDS YA?

Ready for some crazy talk?

Over a year ago, I lamented the expiration of my Costco membership. I was torn. Do I pay the $50 and continue on like everyone else or abandon my membership? I chose the latter and it has turned out better than I could have ever imagined.

Costco's wholesale prices were costing me a lot in the long run, mostly because I found myself throwing away a lot of food. A small family of four (like ours) does not need 3 pound bags of lettuce and giant loaves of cheese.

This is the crazy talk part: I shop at cheap and scary grocery stores now. Vallarta and Winco are extremely cheap. (Contrary to what you might believe, you don't need to speak Spanish to function in Vallarta.) They have great prices on not just Mexican food, but also meat, dairy and produce. Winco is often cheaper than Costco when it comes to canned goods, bread, cheese and butter.

Paper goods at Smart and Final are just as cheap as Costco. Also, since I usually use cash for everything, the change I collect during the month is exchanged for an Amazon gift certificate at a Coinstar machine. I then use that gift certificate to purchase diapers on sale. Now that I don't shop at Costco anymore, I am actually coming in below our food budget. Who would have thought that avoiding the "cheap" prices would be so beneficial?

I told you, this is crazy talk.

RAZOR BLADES IN APPLES

Well, I survived. The carving of the pumpkins, the costumes, the trick or treating... it's all over, thankfully. Only 364 more days till we have to get to do this again.

This morning Luke disobeyed me by locking himself in my bathroom to eat a cough drop. This gave me the perfect excuse to "throw away" the rest of his Halloween candy. (When I say "throw away," I mean "throw away" into my purse for me to eat during the next week.) This was my plan all along.

Concerning trick or treating, the good news is that the kids didn't get any apples containing razor blades. (The bad news is that they didn't get any apples.) When I was a kid, my parents instructed me to immediately dispose of any apples I received since they undoubtedly contained razor blades. First of all, who hands out apples?? Even if you did bite into an apple with a razor blade, what's the worst that could happen? A few stitches in the mouth? It makes no sense.

Unusual things my kids received this year included -

a toothbrush
Sees Candy
Doritos
microwave popcorn
trail mix

This year, no one handed out plastic spider rings like my mom did when I was a kid. That was the same year that all the kids on my school bus brought the spider rings to school and made fun of me for not handing out candy. Now that I am a parent, I wish more people would hand out spider rings. Way to go, Mom!

One last thing - the robot costume was a success. I was happy that I used a hard plastic tote for the body. A cardboard box would have been destroyed.

The best part was that I found these flashing emergency lights at the dollar store. I glued them to the back and they flashed red while he was out trick or treating!