GOOD TIMES

I couldn't resist re-posting this picture of my normally 95 pound sister while pregnant. Ha ha.

Has anyone read the new weight guidelines for women during pregnancy?

Obese - 11-20 pounds
Overweight - 15 to 25 pounds
Normal - 25 to 35 pounds
Underweight - 28 -40 pounds

I was like, who wrote these? Alcoholly? Seriously, telling a pregnant woman not to eat is like telling a bird not to fly. I know this from experience. With each kid I gained 50 pounds. 50 glorious pounds.

Me with 50 Extra Pounds. Good times.

Also, according to the new guidelines -

1. If people can't tell if you are pregnant or just fat, then you have gained too much weight.

2. If people ask if you are having twins, and you're not, then you have gained too much weight.

3. If you have fat face, then you have gained too much weight.

4. If people can't tell when you're not pregnant anymore, then you have gained too much weight.

This really saddens me. Why must the one thing I love - eating huge portions while pregnant - be taken away from me? Once, when I was pregnant with Luke, the ObGyn said, "You might want to ease up on the ice cream." I shot her a dirty look and she never made a comment like that again. (I was a strict follower of the Brewer Diet while I was pregnant and justified my over consumption of ice cream as a major source of protein for me.)

So, to summarize: If you are obese, you must now lose weight while pregnant. If you are overweight, you may not gain more than the baby and placenta. If you are normal, lay off the ice cream. If you are underweight, lucky you.

SPACE NERDS

Attention, Space Nerds.

Now that Erik's successful rocket test has been made public, I am finally allowed to post this video starring Sir Richard and Erik. This is the project he's been working on for the past 2 and a half years and this full scale rocket firing is a big, BIG, milestone towards taking rich people into space. Erik is in charge of manufacturing the rocket motor and assisting in testing it.




[Alright, Erik is only in the first few seconds - he's the guy with the flashlight - but I am still so proud of him. Good job, honey.]

HE DOES IT AGAIN!

Do you remember my brother-in-law, Larry? Last year he wore a women's straw hat during our entire family reunion. Well, just when I thought he could not get any cooler, he did it again! On the eve of this week's Disneyland trip he went to the dollar store and bought a women's hat with a pirate print on it. I told him all he needed to do was to glue a Pirates of the Caribbean logo on the front and folks would pay $20 for it on the Disneyland black market.

I love how Larry doesn't care if it's a women's hat or if it looks like a flowered print from far away. All he cares about are affordability and comfort. Seriously, Larry makes the rest of us look like fashion conscious snobs. I just wish I could have gotten a picture with him in the neon green sunglasses he bought too.

Good luck, Larry. I don't know how you're going to outdo yourself next year! I can't wait to find out.

THE POB

Kate's Bad Imitation of the "Pob"

Am I the only one that thinks Kate Gosselin's haircut is hideous? I do not claim to be a fashion/hair guru, but I know really bad. I couldn't help but wonder while watching the premiere of John and Kate Plus 8 this week, if all she needed was a barrette to save her marriage. I wanted to literally reach through the television and put her hair behind her ear.

How much do you want to bet that Kate went to a stylist with a picture of Victoria Beckham and said, "Make me look like her!" We all know that whenever you try to match a celebrity haircut, it never looks like the celebrity. Never.

Victoria's "Pob" Haircut

Don't worry, Kate, if it makes you feel any better, you are not the only one who has ever tried to look like Posh Spice and failed.

My Sister, Kelley, Circa 1996

Posh, Circa 1996

FINISHED THE MARATHON

I did it. I ran my marathon. Now, I am done. I never have to run again.

Funny thing, though. 5k's really aren't that hard. I wasn't even sore afterwards and I didn't feel like I was going to throw up. I didn't push myself either. Maybe this is because I train at 4,000 feet and the run was at 700 feet. Or maybe it is because 29:50 isn't exactly record speed if you know what I mean.

So, I have decided to run another 5k on the 4th of July. (Or another "marathon" as I like to call them.) I like 5k's because they sound longer than they really are.

One thing I failed to mention in my last post about running was that we did this race as part of our family reunion. This picture is only a fraction of the 77 or so of us that were there to do the race.


If you are ever looking for an event to do at your family's reunion, I highly recommend doing a 5k. Like I said, it's easy enough that everyone can participate in some way. Whether it be walking, pushing a stroller, or slowly jogging (like me!) Plus, it's very motivating to work hard to not embarrass yourself in front of your family.

FULL FRONTAL

Luke, Alcoholly and Charlie, May 2009
Thanks for Wearing Clothes, Luke and Alcoholly

I would like to believe that modesty runs in my family. Like to. You've all heard about my grandmother prancing around her house in next to nothing on my mother's blog. Luke isn't far behind. Lately, every time I turn around he's taking his clothes off and going naked. Completely naked.

Oh, to be as uninhabited as little boys and crazy grandmothers!

I know it is normal for little kids to run around naked. I have very clear memories of my younger sister, Kelley, running around the neighborhood naked with nothing but a cast on her arm. (In fact, this was just a few years ago.)

At playgroup this week, Luke appeared naked, and asked me to put his bathing suit on. Interesting how he can get undressed, but he has problems getting dressed. Luke's full frontal initiated an interesting conversation about circumcision.

Then there was yesterday. I was at the church in the morning with several other adults, including the Bishop, setting some things up for a mutual activity. I heard someone say, "Where's Cristin?" and then Luke came around the corner naked from the waist down. He was playing with some "older" kids in the nursery, had wet his pants, immediately removed them, and was walking around the church naked. The 5 year olds were shouting, "Luke had an accident! Call 99119! Call 99119!" The Bishop walked past me while I was holding a naked Luke and trying to console a screaming Charlie. Not my proudest moment as a mother.

I just wish that I didn't get so embarrassed for him when he decides to get naked in public. I keep find myself saying out loud, "Oh, he's 2," because people always think he is older than he is. However, what if I find myself saying, "Oh, he's 4," or, "Oh, he's 12," and this never stops?!

I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BUT I WON'T DO THAT

I had an epiphany tonight while watching American Idol.

ADAM LAMBERT TODAY

ADAM LAMBERT IN 30 YEARS

Can you see it? Just add about 50 pounds and some age. Adam is way too dramatic for my taste. Of course, some people like dramatic. It is a proven fact that if you love Adam Lambert, then you must love Meatloaf and vice versa.

As for me and my house, though, we vote Kris Allen.

NO WAY

I have decided that not only is the Gosselin's marriage a sham, but their show has got to be too. Granted, I have only seen John and Kate Plus 8 a handful of times, but there is no way that a couple raising eight very young children could be that calm. No way. Each time I watch it I search for the staff of nannies, drivers, chefs, housekeepers, and gardeners that surely exist. What I really want to see is a true "Behind the Scenes" show about how they really live. It looks like a cake walk if you ask me.

I thought about the Gosselins a lot this past weekend. We went traveling with my sister, brother-in-law, and 20 month old nephew, down to Orange County to visit grandparents and go to Disneyland. There's something about throwing 3 little kids together that makes everything a little bit harder. Ah... the constant crying, fighting, Luke beating the little kids up, Charlie throwing everything around, Jonah throwing up... yeah, the Gosselin's aren't real. Like I said, no way are they doing this on their own, writing books, speaking, appearing on a television show and having affairs. They must have one nanny per kid.

The hardest part about the trip wasn't staying in the hotel or going to Disneyland, although those things weren't easy, but going out to eat twice in one day. Once in the morning with Alcoholly and once in the evening with my grandfather.

I saw this one episode of Jon Gosselin's 30th birthday where they went out to eat. All the little kids were sitting so nicely at the table. I just laughed. What, did they give them tranquilizers before they entered the restaurant? Was each child's assigned nanny hiding under the table? Maybe the Gosselin kids could come teach my kids how to sit still when we eat out.

Notice how we have to push almost everything away from Charlie and Jonah? Half the time, Charlie was nearly sticking a fork in his eye and I didn't take it away from him because he was entertained by it. It's crazy the things I will do in a high pressure situation.

Charlie, of course, insisted on ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. Seriously though, whenever we go out I find myself spending lots of money on ice cream, chocolate milk, i.e., things I would not normally find myself feeding the kids, just to keep them happy.

So, yeah, either Erik and I are wusses or the Gosselin Family is not real. (Don't answer that.)

FREAK OUT

Forcing Luke close to a Freaky Pirate (He's Screaming), April 2009

In all reality, I should not have been so mad at Erik for showing Luke the James Bond movie because I love tormenting our children. Take note. I love tormenting our children, but I do not love other people tormenting our children. It's a double standard, for sure, but oh well.

Caitlin and Zachary Looking Especially Freaky

Yesterday we put on Spiderman masks and started acting like nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Luke came out of the bathroom to find us this way and started screaming. He pointed at us, "Take off the mask, NOW!! Put it in your bedroom!!! Take it off NOW!!!!" Although it isn't very motherly of me, I did really enjoy his little outburst.

Charlie is still a little too young for the mask freak-out, so we stick with other mean things.

Erik acting like he's going to give Charlie a spoon full of ice cream.


Erik putting the ice cream in his mouth instead. Ha ha. Jokes on you, Charlie.

A Brainwashed Patty Hearst Robbing a Bank, FREAKY

I think freaking our children out must run in our family. Growing up, my mother would tell me bedtime stories about Patty Hearst and the Jonestown Massacre. I am not making this up. That picture of a brainwashed Patty Hearst robbing the Hibernia Bank freaks me out to this day. Thanks for the memories, Mom.

Maybe I will continue the tradition by telling bedtime stories about O.J. and Elizabeth Smart. I will probably wait till Luke is at least 5 years old though for that.

OH NO YOU DI'INT

Dear Erik,

While I am appreciative that you were willing to babysit our children so that I could go out and play...

...do you really think it's okay to let Luke watch Quantum of Solace? Really?? I know you need to bond with your son, but letting a 2 year old watch James Bond nearly burn to death, not to mention kill several people?? Nice one, Daddy.

Love you!

Wifey

P.S. Excuse me for calling it babysitting. We both know that we don't call it babysitting when one is watching their own children.

P.P.S. I'm not perfect either. Remember the Spongebob Squarepants incident? Yeah, I've learned the hard way that it isn't a good idea to let your 2 year old watch that show if you don't want them threatening to "kick your butt."

I'M SO EXCITED

The other day I told someone that I average about 5-6 hours of interrupted sleep a night, no naps during the day. Said person freaked out. She demanded to know, "How do you survive?!?" I don't know, I'm starting to ask myself the same question. How am I surviving on such little sleep? Interrupted sleep nonetheless!?!

When I was sick last month, I was surviving on cold medication. A pill to stay awake and a pill to go to bed. Those were the days. Nothing beats a deep night's sleep courtesy of Tylenol Cold, the nightime formula. Ahhhh.

Thinking about how tired I am tonight, I can't help but wish I could take cold medication all the time to function. I suppose I could, but then I would be considered an addict, and well, that's not cool. Too bad. How I do love that cold medication.

Coming off a month of the cold meds is hard. Tonight I feel like this -

(The part of Cristin will be played by Jessie Spano and the part of Erik will be played by Zack Morris)

MOVIE REVIEW: STAR TREK

This isn't so much of a movie review as it is a reminder to my husband that I do indeed really love him.

I hate Star Trek. Erik loves Star Trek. Despite this major opposition to our relationship, we somehow managed to get married. I remember fondly our early years living in Provo. We'd routinely be up late flipping channels and I'd always skip over the channel showing some reincarnation of Star Trek. Erik never remembered that it was on, but I knew exactly when it aired and on what channel. I was not going to take any chances. One time I goofed and he saw that it was on. I was forced to endure one whole hour of nerdom and dorky space jargon. Argh. The things I do for my husband.

So, when I told Erik that I would go see Star Trek with him, he was ecstatic... literally running around the house for the 30 minutes preceding the movie, singing the theme song at the top of his lungs and calling everyone he knew. It was kind of weird, but I was glad that he was happy. I was trying to imagine what kind of movie would make me as excited as he was, and the only thing I could think of was maybe a Sound of Music revival.

Anyhow, I survived the dorkfest, and... it wasn't that bad. In fact, I actually really liked it. Then again, J.J. Abrams could probably make a movie about a blank chalkboard and I would probably like that too. Erik, you're welcome.

Live long and prosper or whatever.

GRADE: A

TURKEY IN THE STRAW

Caitlin sent me this paparazzi style photo of Kelley buying stuff from the ice cream truck today. I don't know how it is where they live, but here, the ice cream trucks are super creepy. I knew I was really an adult when I didn't feel the urge to buy anything from either of them.

Our small town has two ice cream trucks that operate year round. This one is the creepier of the two -

I call this one creepy because I once saw an entire family hiding inside the back of the truck. No joke.

It usually makes the rounds around our neighborhood at 1 p.m. when all the kids are in school, rain or shine, blasting "Turkey in the Straw, ha ha ha." I have never seen this truck make a sale. One time I saw a little girl chase after the truck with a dollar in her hand when it was snowing and the truck just kept going. It was very sad. Sad for the girl because she didn't get her ice cream, sad for the ice cream truck because they never make a sale, and sad for me that I had nothing better to do than to stalk the ice cream truck.

It's hard living in a small town. Not much to do... as you can tell.

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

It's official. I'm weaning Charlie. One month ago today he was nursing 8 times a day and now he only nurses twice in a 24 hour period. The game changer was definitely giving him the pacifier. He never took one until last month. As soon as I gave it to him he stopped asking to nurse and I stopped offering. At this rate, I don't foresee any problems weaning him by the time I go on my trip to Baltimore in July.

The strange thing is that I feel very sad about weaning him. I don't know why. Nursing Charlie was hell. There were many days that I would look to April and promise that I would stop nursing the day he turned one. During the past year I can only count maybe 2 months when we weren't suffering from thrush, excessive biting, sore nipples, or psoriasis. Even to this day, I have a huge painful cut... sorry, this is probably too much information. You get the point. It has been bad, so why am I so sad? Am I just a glutton for pain?

Now I have to pack food and fill sippy cups, where I used to be able to feed my baby while sitting in the rocking chair with my eyes closed. Perhaps it is my laziness that is the cause of my grief?

MOVIE REVIEW: 17 AGAIN

So, let's pretend you are on Facebook and you see a guy you knew in high school that looked like this -


But now he looks like THIS -

That is the essence of 17 Again. Or in other words, a good looking kid inexplicably grows up to be an average looking guy that looks nothing like his 17 year old self.

Seriously. How did this happen? Please tell me there is a deleted scene where Matthew Perry explains the facial reconstruction he had after a bad motorcycle accident in his late 20's.

While I do love these kinds of movies, I was very depressed thinking that Zac Efron will look like Matthew Perry when he is 37. It really was a let down when [SPOILER ALERT] at the end he became old again. I thought, "Oh, that's too bad." Seriously, this movie was a real awakening for me. If I don't want to end up looking like the female version of Matthew Perry in 6 years, I better start making changes to my lifestyle now, i.e., no more ice cream. Then again, I was never as good looking as Zac Efron was in high school, but really, who is?