6.29.2009

THE YES MAN

All the rich crazies have their "Yes Man." For example -

Careless plastic surgeons never questioned Michael Jackson's requests to alter his appearance.

The "friends" of Elvis ignored his strange and unhealthy addictions.

Some stylist told Britney this outfit was a good idea.

I keep agreeing with every crazy thing that Alcoholly says!

I am turning into Alcoholly's "Yes Man" and I hate it. This weekend's visit with Alcoholly went very, very badly. I felt sick after seeing her. I hate pretending that she is right. I really like the above picture of her and I together. Erik took it a few months ago and it describes our relationship perfectly. We are always sitting on the couch with that little pink tv tray. She hands me her bills and gives me very strange advice. I am always smiling like she is perfectly normal.

Some of you might find this hard to believe, but it is very hard for me to be honest when it is rude. Here are a few select conversations, along with my response:
On moving into an assisted living community:

Alcoholly: The number one reason I would never do that is because there are always 10 old ladies shuffling around and then one old man who is so hyped up on Viagra, he can't sit down.

My response: Yes. Yes. That makes perfect sense.

On my appearance:

Alcoholly: Darling, there are not a lot of people in Tonga that have heard of Mormons. You are a lovely girl, but if you do not dress and look better they will think very poorly of your religion.

My response: Of course! (Keep in mind that while she was telling me this she was wearing a faded navy blue skort that barely covered her thighs, a low cut hot pink shirt, nude colored pantyhose with a run, and red loafers.)

On making friends:

Alcoholly: I need a man to do things around the house, but not one that requires that I say thank you in bed.

My response: Yeah, that's, uh, hard to find.

8 comments:

  1. You don't have to say "yes" - just ask some questions! Have a little fun! This will also help change the subject...
    For example:
    assisted living community - "Why can't he sit down?"
    appearance: "If you were me, how would YOU dress?"
    making friends: "Are you supposed to say thank you?"
    Play devil's advocate... unless Alcoholly turn into the devil... 8^)

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  2. I agree with the first comment. Next time you visit her, I think you should show up wearing a pushup bra, short skirt, and nylons with runs and heels, then see how she reacts.

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  3. Alcoholly did look a bit more modest in this picture, though...

    Poor Alcoholly.

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  4. I get a kick out of your posts on Alcoholly. I have absolutely no advice...because I tend to be a "yes" man to a few people in my life. Why is that??? I do have to say, the first comment is perfect!

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  5. Caitlin- if cristin did that lolly would love it! then she would complain every time cristin didn't come over dressed like a prostitute.

    wow- I love all her comments.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I like nalder's (see above comment) push up bra & short skirt idea.

    This was a fun post to read. Old people, you never know if they're going to shake your hand or spit on you.

    PS: I'm a little slow...who is Alcholly? Your gram? A friend? Your great-gram?

    ReplyDelete

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