My sister-in-law, Else, called me this morning perplexed about what to wear during her upcoming water birth.
I feel her pain. After watching countless birthing videos, the last thing I wanted to be was the totally naked huge pregnant woman splashing around in the tub. I think Else's husband, Haans, described watching all those birthing videos the best when he said, "I am now one with the nipple."
It's just a hunch, but I think the last thing Stacy and Clinton will ever address on What Not to Wear is appropriate attire for a water birth. Since I like to fill a need when I see one, here is my list of what not to wear during a water birth. (This one's for you, Else!)
1. Absolutely Nothing. Wouldn't you like to take a few pictures of yourself while you are in labor that you can post online? It's bad enough that all pregnant women look like whales at the end, and then to be topless too... ew. Everyone knows that the most important thing about having a baby is looking totally hot while doing it!
2. A t-shirt. Besides looking yucky, it is going to be sopping wet and dripping all over the place if and when you exit the tub.
3. A tank top. I went the tank top route with Charlie's birth, and it was okay, but if I had to do it over again I would have worn a bikini top. The tank top can not fit over your huge belly anyway.
4. A sports bra. The exception to this rule is anything waterproof, except even then a sports bra seems too constricting. You need something that is waterproof and can be easily removed for skin to skin contact with the baby and to nurse.
[Wow, this post started off funny, but now it's actually becoming informative. That's funny!]
Another tip is if you want to not be topless during your waterbirth, put on your chosen top before you go into heavy labor. Everyone will make fun of you later if you insist on changing your clothes to look better during labor, so just make sure it seems like you accidentally happened to be wearing a fancy looking bikini top under your normal clothes.
Maybe the real answer is just to have no cameras around at your birth....
Finally, this whole post is probably a waste because in the end you will be fat and naked whether you like it or not.