THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM...

Notice anything strange about this commercial? Maybe this is old news, but I saw it for the first time tonight and thought, "Hmmmm, that's interesting..."

THE ANT IN MY EAR

The first week we moved into this house I noticed an ant problem. "Big whoop," I thought. I'd playfully spray them with Windex as I talked on the phone. Then I found them in the Cheerios. I just picked them out with my hand and squashed them between my fingers. I thought, "This is great. I'm turning into an animal lover. We're co-existing." Then last night happened.

Around 1 a.m., Erik woke me up because Charlie was crying. I sleepwalked over to his room, sat in the rocking chair, and began nursing him. I immediately heard a slight screeching noise in my left ear. I thought a hair had fallen in my ear. Then the screeching got louder. I couldn't identify what it was. No matter what I did it wouldn't stop. I started thinking that maybe Erik or an alien had planted something in my ear. (Remember I was half awake.) Then I felt an extremely painful pinching/stinging/screeching feeling in my ear. I started screaming. Erik ran in, made me turn my head to the side (I was screaming like crazy at this point) and you know what's coming next...

... AN ANT CRAWLED OUT OF MY EAR.

After the hubbub, I tried to fall back to sleep, but all I could think about was ants. In fact, even now I can still feel traces of it's little tiny body in my ear. You would not believe how painful and freaky that was.

My brother-in-law, Haans, told me this story recently about an experience he had while growing up in Africa. He was attacked by killer ants all the way up to his neck or something and "almost died," but for the life of me, I can't remember how he survived the killer ant attack. I was too focused on asking him if he wasn't confusing his own life with the latest Indiana Jones movie. This is all my fault. I'm going to die in my sleep from a surprise ant attack because I was too busy making fun of Haans' story to hear the important life saving information at the end.

So, in review, here are people that have been attacked by ants and lived to tell about it:

Erik's BFF, Indiana Jones

My Brother-in-Law, Haans

ME

THE FOOD GRINDER

Charlie turned 6 months last week, so I figured I better start him on solid foods. Nothing major, a little rice cereal here, some corn there. It's so much different tackling this with the second child. I've decided to avoid bibs when at all possible. I'd rather just strip the baby down to his diaper.
I am also trying not give Charlie anything that I wouldn't want to eat myself (with the obvious exception of breast milk). This generally means no little jars of baby food. Am I the only one who gets grossed out by jars of "Chicken Dinner" and "Apple Turkey Cranberry"? I may have to resort to little jars of baby food if we are traveling, but I'll try sticking to flavors I wouldn't mind eating myself.... which probably only leaves applesauce and maybe apricot.



I borrowed the Happy Baby Food Grinder from my sister-in-law, and I love it. For example, tonight we had pot roast with vegetables. I pulled a carrot out, ground it up, and fed it to Charlie. Beautiful. This past week I have also used the grinder with green beans and corn. (I know, I'm probably not supposed to be introducing that many new foods so quickly, but he seems alright so far. I'll let you know if he explodes.)

SIGN SIGN, EVERYWHERE A SIGN

Can you believe the election is almost a week away?!

I finally did some time campaigning on a street corner this weekend, albeit spontaneously. Friday night I was driving through the main intersection in town and noticed a group of what looked like "No on 8"people on one side. It was really hard to tell because their signs were illegible to most people driving by.


Here's my advice: If you are going to stand on a street corner at night with a sign, you need bolder and larger lettering. Sorry, girls.

Directly across from them was a father and son with better signs -

Notice the large and bold lettering? That's imperative at night.

So I thought it would be funny to drive over to Elisa's house, grab one of the huge signs she was painting, and spontaneously take it down to the corner to help the Yes people out.

It was hard to get the whole sign in the picture. If you are going to stand on a corner at night, an 8' x 4' bright yellow sign is definitely ideal.

It was so much fun having the "No on 8" people on the opposite corner. A car would pull up to the intersection, honk, and then point to which side they were supporting. The side receiving the support would scream wildly. It went on like this all night. I nearly lost my voice from all the screaming.

The next night I went out there and the No on 8 people, seeing our huge sign, had taken an equally large piece of wood and spray painted "No on 8" in fluorescent orange paint. It just looked like graffiti. I would not recommend doing that.

I'm not sure how it is in your town, but the No on Proposition 8 strategy here appears to be stealing and mutilating the Yes on Proposition 8 signs. Elisa, who is an artist, suggested painting Yes on Proposition 8 on the grass of her neighbors who had their signs stolen ("you can't steal a lawn," she suggested), but no one has taken her up on that offer yet.

To give you an idea of how large these signs are, here are some pictures I took of Elisa posing with the finished signs before they were set up. (Yes, we did a photo shoot with them. How could we not?)


What am I going to do when the election is over? Life is going to be so boring again.

WHERE WAS THIS WHEN I WAS SINGLE?

Tonight while my husband was at a meeting, I decided to give him the gift that keeps on giving. I logged into his email and enabled Mail Goggles. By default, Mail Goggles is only active late at night on the weekends, but I changed it to work every night of the week between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m. I also changed the difficulty level to a 4 (he is a rocket scientist) just to make sure the math was challenging enough.

Mail Goggles will check to see if you really want to send that late night email by asking you to solve some simple math problems to check your state of mind. Erik has a history of sending crazy emails out during the early morning hours. Just the other night he sent a mass email concerning his upcoming ward mission correlation meeting that was filled with spelling and grammatical errors. In the past he has asked for a raise, agreed to buy fish tanks, and made conflicting plans, all by email during the early morning hours. Just because you don't drink, doesn't mean you still don't need Mail Goggles.

What I want to know is where was this when I was single? Dang! I have done some stupid things by email. The worst of which was a little prank I played on my boyfriend when I was 17 years old. We got in a fight one night so I logged into his account and sent emails to all of his friends pretending that he was telling them that I had dumped him. My advice: Never log into the account of someone else and pretend to send emails from their name. Not a way to win friends.

Blogger needs to invent "Blog Goggles" to prevent idiotic things from being posted, i.e., embarrassingly mushy public declarations of love for your spouse, excessive pictures of things that no one cares about, etc. I am posting this at 11:37 p.m. Let's pray I am in the right state of mind.

POTLUCK

Have you ever been to a good potluck* dinner? Be honest.

When I say good, I mean, did you leave feeling satisfied? Did everything taste well?

I went to a Relief Society potluck dinner last night, and after much thought, I don't think I have ever been to a good potluck dinner. Last night's event was no exception. Before I started filling my plate, I had to decide, do I want to go the "lasagna - fruit - chicken - jello" route or the "enchilada - baked beans - french bread - iceberg lettuce salad" route? I find it difficult maintaining an appetite when I'm about to eat things that blatantly don't go together.

Compounding the problem of "mismatched" food is that I don't know who made this stuff or what it really is. Sorry, but stuff like that matters. I wish people at these things would be required to post a card with their name and dish, because it isn't always clear. Everything is a surprise when you bite into it. Sometimes it's pleasant and sometimes not so much.

The worst part about a potluck is that you have to act like you are loving every bite because you're not sure who made what dish. Women intently watch the plates of others while they eat. Is their dish getting eaten? (It's embarrassing for a woman to take home too many leftovers after a potluck. I know from experience.) My other favorite part of these gatherings is when women disingenuously ask each other for the recipes of things they pray they will never have to eat again. (Guilty!)

If I sound negative, it's not because I don't enjoy these things. I do. The people are always nice and it's fun to socialize. It's just that I came home last night feeling sick because I didn't eat a complete meal. Weird bites of mystery casseroles and huge portions of dessert do not constitute a healthy dinner.

*Potluck means no organization. No single person provides the main course.

SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY

Is it bad that Sunday is my least favorite morning of the entire week? (I know, I have a bad attitude that I need to fix.)

That's the day when Erik goes to church early for about 2 hours worth of meetings and then runs home, with ten minutes to spare, to pick us up for Sacrament Meeting. At least this is how it is supposed to work. We are never on time for Sacrament Meeting. Is it because church starts exceptionally early? (No, it's 11 a.m.) Is it because the church is far away? (No, it's no more than a mile.) Is it because you, Cristin, are really really lazy? (Maybe.) Give up?

Luke refuses to wear his church clothes. It is a weekly battle that I dread. Every week I try a different approach, fighting while watching Music and the Spoken Word, waiting for Erik to restrain him, giving him several time outs, etc. For example -

This was the Sunday that he did not want to wear his new church shoes. He was screaming because he couldn't wear his tennis shoes that light up. Evidently, Luke's image is very important to him.

This picture is from a Sunday a few weeks ago. After wrestling with him for one hour, he was dressed (victory!), but as we were getting ready to leave, Luke hit his chin on the truck door. There was a lot of blood. Needless to say, we were really late that day.

This week he was screaming because he wanted to wear the pants from his Halloween costume and a t-shirt with sunglasses on it. When I finally got him dressed, he walked around the corner and came back five minutes later wearing the sunglasses t-shirt.

Who would think that a little boy would care so much about what he wears?

DISCONNECT

I want to disconnect the cable.

Nobody freak out. I haven't gotten all "super righteous and too spiritual for television." I'm just starting to think that I don't need it.

You see, it all started last week when Luke was having a tantrum. He was mad that I wouldn't let him watch Caillou and he kicked the cable coming out of the television really hard. It broke inside the television and now we can't hook the cable up. Tragic, right? Wrong.

Not having the cable made me realize how useless it is. You can watch almost anything you want online.... BYU TV, Dancing with the Stars, The Office, the news, etc. I am concerned about losing PBS Kids, but I figured if I apply the $14.00 we are now spending monthly for basic cable to a Netflix subscription, I can just check out Sesame Street, Curious George and Word World DVD's for Luke. In addition, I can also check out the DVD's of television shows I want to watch. The more I think about it, the more idiotic it is for us to keep the cable!


This whole idea is crazy because I love television. When I was three years old, I used to sneak out of my room at night and my parents would find me watching Johnny Carson. A letter I wrote to my future self as a teenager focuses more around how to preserve my precious video recordings of Northern Exposure, than my hopes and dreams. I have appeared on a game show, attended the tapings of several television shows, and am an expert at the TV Guide crossword puzzle. Me without the t.v. is like a fish without water, like Dolly Parton without an underwire bra, like salt without pepper... it's ca-ray-zay.

So, if there is any reason why you think I should not disconnect my cable, let me know now or forever hold your peace.

DOUBLE STANDARDS

Kids are gross. Look at this picture of Charlie... isn't he just disgusting?

I'm laying on the bed with Charlie, thinking how cute he is, when he suddenly spits up in my face. Before I have a chance to act, he rolls his head into the puddle of puke. When I pick him up, he farts. I lift him up to smell his bottom and notice a huge blow out. I unbutton his onesie and it's worse than my wildest dreams. Poop up to his neck. It's all over my hands and arms now. What do I do?

Without washing up, I pick something out of my teeth and go eat a taco of course. That is because this is my child and his poop is as pure as he is. Organic, if you will.

Alright, it's not that extreme, and I promise, I do wash my hands. However, it's been scientifically proven that mothers prefer the smell of their own baby's poop. (If you only knew how many times I have wished I could just bottle the smell of Luke's poop into a perfume and douse myself in it!) One theory is that if a mother was disgusted by the smell of her baby's poop, she would be unable to care for her baby....'tis true, 'tis true.

Why, just the other day I experienced this phenomenon. I was babysitting the children of a friend. One of the little boys had two accidents while he was at my house. I stepped down the stairs, barefoot, into a puddle of pee. When I realized what it was, I started freaking out as if I had just set off a land mine. I bleached the floor and scrubbed my feet. I used gloves to remove his dirty clothes. I was freaking out, big-time freaking out.

It's such a double standard when it comes to the wee wee and woo woo of a child that is not your own. I feel awful for the poor souls who must change my children's diapers. No wonder my babysitter always puts my kids' diapers on backwards. She's probably so grossed out while she's doing it, that she has her eyes closed when she is changing them. I don't know why she's so grossed out. Their poo smells like roses to me. Ahhh.

IT'S BACK

Since a majority of you view my blog in Google Reader, I wanted to mention that I have added a playlist back onto the sidebar. (I love playlists. If I find a good one, I keep that blog open and listen to it's playlist all day. Some of my favorites are here, here, here and here.)

This playlist will change frequently and always feature music that I can't get out of my head. That's right, I would like to transfer that same type of pain that comes from not being able to sleep because you can't get a song out of your head - TO YOU. This week, it's music from Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. Enjoy!

CLEAN-UP

Today I'm going through all the odds and ends leftover from our move. This has been sitting on our dresser since we got into the new house:

An old videotape declaration of love from Erik's ex-girlfriend.

I imagine when she made it, the last thing she thought was that 8 years later it would be sitting on her then boyfriend's wife's dresser. It has no home. Erik thinks we should find her address and mail it to her. I think we should throw it away.

What is the protocol for things like this? If I mysteriously received a videotape I made for an ex-boyfriend, 8 years after the fact, I wonder what I would think. Who knows what's even on it. We don't have a VCR, so I'll never find out. I'm not desperate enough to take it over to a friend's house to watch it.

I am so tired of stuff. Stuff like this, especially. We hold on to things like this because we think it will be useful or to be sentimental. With each move we make, we haul around all these boxes of things we never look at and for what reason? Erik doesn't even remember what is on this videotape. After this move, I threw so many things away. I was just like, "Nope, haven't looked at in a year!" Toss.

(Honey, I think I'm going to throw it away. FYI.)

I'LL TELL YOU MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

As I have mentioned before, we are trying to do the cash system. That means that I have a set amount of cash in an envelope for groceries each month and when the money is gone - it's gone. We eat meat for almost every meal, so I go crazy when there is any sort of sale on beef, chicken or fish at the grocery store. I stock up and then come up with grand plans about how I am going to make that meat go as far as possible.

Of course, this works only up to a certain point... especially when I ruin 2 days worth of meat by overcooking it or marinading it in something "experimental."

A perfect example of how I ruin meat.

So, here's my secret way to turn the ruined meat into something edible -

TACOS

I have discovered that regardless of how bad you overcooked or screwed up the meat the previous day, the leftovers work great inside tacos. Bad marinade? Disguise it with some taco seasoning and pile on the salsa. Not a lot of meat, mix it with some beans and rice. Tacos work well because you can chop up the meat into small, unrecognizable pieces and mix it with some onion. That could be cat meat for all your family knows, but they won't care because a little cheese and salsa cure everything.


If you don't believe me, try it. Chop up cat meat, fry it up with some onion, put it in half the tacos. In the remaining tacos, put the leftover overcooked pork and some fried onions. Your family will eat both and not be able to tell the difference. (60-40, people, 60-40!)

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL

If anyone is wondering what will happen if Proposition 8 does not pass in California, here's a perfect example:


On Friday, a first grade class in San Francisco recently took a surprise field trip to City Hall to toss rose petals on their just married lesbian teacher. The school's interim director said, "It really is what we call a teachable moment," noting the historic significance of same-sex marriage and related civil rights issues. "I think I'm well within the parameters." Parents were given the option of not allowing their first graders to participate in the trip. Parents of only two out of the twenty students did not allow their children to attend.

Honestly though, what is the big deal? Same-sex marriage is legal in California right now. In the eyes of the law, we are being told to view marriage between man-woman, woman-woman, man-man, as all the same thing. If Proposition 8 passes, marriage will once again be defined as a union between members of the opposite sex. It is more important than ever that we support this cause.

The California Education Code permits school districts to offer comprehensive sex education, but if they do, they have to "teach respect for marriage and committed relationships." That was how such a trip was justified, understandably so. Same-sex marriage is legal right now in California and these type of field trips are just the beginning of what will be taught to our children, because it is the law.

OOOH, SCANDALOUS!

Question: Am I the only one that thinks something is wrong if more scandal is generated by a picture of Angelina Jolie breastfeeding than appearing topless in a movie?

Bonus question: How are the Jolie-Pitt's nannies never photographed by the paparazzi when they are out? Even ordinary people would need help having 6 children that close in age. I find it hard to believe that anyone would gleefully peruse the French streets alone with two toddlers in tow... or maybe this picture was taken on a movie set.

THE YES MAN

I tease Erik a lot for never being able to say no. His worst offense is dinner and party invites. We recently had four invites on the same evening and Erik told each of these people that we would be at their event. He had it all planned out how we would drive around and leave everything early. It wasn't until I pointed out that the driving distance between these events was over 100 miles that he called people to say we weren't coming. I'm constantly telling him, "It's okay to say no."

Lately, I have fallen into this trap. Wanna go walking at 8 a.m. every morning even though you'll have to wake up Luke? (Okay!) We need a treasurer for our playgroup! (I'll do it!) Will you deliver 20 Prop 8 yard signs late at night, by yourself, 20 miles away? (Of course!) Will you watch my children all day long? (Why not?!) Sister Lassen will you please put on an etiquette dinner for 20 youth in less than 3 weeks? (Sure and I'll even make it more work for me by agreeing to make a short film on social manners!)

This morning Charlie woke me up at 5:30 a.m., after 4 hours of broken sleep, and I wish I could curl up into a ball and everything would magically get done. Our new house is still a disaster. I spent all day yesterday just organizing our bedroom. All day on one room and it still isn't that clean. Whenever this happens I think about how Extreme Home Makeover builds an entire home in one week and I can't even clean one room in one day. I love my children, but sometimes they make me feel like I am dragging around 2 tons of rock, making it impossible for me to get anything done in a reasonable amount of time. I often wonder if it's even worth trying to do anything while they are both awake.

So continuing with my incredibly slow theme of getting things done, today I hope to clean the living room. Wish me luck on my "grand" undertaking.

I'M GOING VIRAL!

It is hard for me to get excited about the upcoming presidential election. I am voting for McCain more out of a sense of duty to conservative ideas, rather than because I actually like the guy. Whenever I hear the two main party candidates speak, I try to envision either one as president and it's not easy. I can't believe this is the best we have to choose from.

With that being said, I am encouraging everyone to still go out and vote. It's our duty and right as citizens to do so. People who are allowed to vote and don't, are idiots. That's the nicest way I can think of to say that.

In addition to the presidential election, for those in California, your support of Proposition 8 on November 4th is extremely important. Be sure that those living in California or those California residents living out of state are registered to vote by October 20th.

For everyone, regardless of whether or not you live in California, Republican or Democrat, there are many things you can do to show your support for traditional marriage, including:

- Post this widget or this picture on the sidebar of your blog.
- Buy a Yes on Proposition 8 onesie for your baby! (Just kidding. 60-40)
- Leave non-confrontational comments in support of the traditional definition of marriage on blogs and websites.

Really, you may think that your blog doesn't get a lot of hits, but what you post does matter. You can reach more people on the internet in a day than by going door-to-door for a week. Here's a good example: Remember my Prop 8 fiasco? My harmless post about going door to door got picked up by this much more widely read website.

This is too important of an issue to not participate in some way. We have less than 4 weeks, so, GO TEAM!

BOOK REVIEW: THE NO-CRY SLEEP SOLUTION FOR TODDLERS

As I have mentioned on here and other blogs, numerous times before, I do not support the crying methods taught in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. When Luke was born, I read Healthy Sleep Habits. There is definitely some good information about sleep patterns and routine in that book, but I could not see the reasoning in letting a little baby cry themselves to sleep for hours on end.

When Luke was around 9 months old I read The No Cry Sleep Solution and found it to be incredibly helpful. Elizabeth Pantley's advice is practical and accommodating to each particular situation. Luke didn't sleep all night till he was 13 months old, but using the ideas in her book gave me a greater perspective and did cut down on many of his night wakings.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers follows the pattern of gentle advice given in the previous book. Pantley acknowledges that there is a big difference between a toddler crying because they can't have candy or stay up late and a genuine need. Some of the things I have taken from this book are:

- making Luke's bedtime routine interesting and not rushed
- keeping Luke as active as possible during the day so that he will sleep well at night
- avoiding television time before bed
- limiting his naps to no more than 2 hours a day
- helping him relax for bedtime by reading to him while he is laying in bed

Luke's recent prison break was quickly fixed by our new best friend. Meet the door knob cover:

Many of you suggested turning Luke's room into a "big crib" and it has worked out quite nicely. The first door knob lock we put on, he broke through, so we bought a better one. He protested the first few nights, (mostly banging on the door). When he would scream, we would go in there every 10 minutes or so and see what he needed. I am actually really surprised at how easy the transition to a "big boy" bed has been for him.... probably because it was so overdue.

Even though the solution I have had the most success with, I didn't find in this book, I still definitely recommend it. There are great chapters on sleep terrors, napping, and coordinating sleep schedules between children that I also found very helpful. I don't believe there is any such thing as an "overnight" solution to a child's sleep problem, but I also don't believe that a child waking up at night is always a problem.

Now I just need a book about how to get Charlie to stop spitting up so much when we let him sleep in our bed...

FOR REAL?

(My apologies in advance to anyone who may be offended by this little game. It's all in good fun. I just couldn't resist!)

This is how the game works:

Listed below are four blog posts. You decide if it is from the blog of a real person or Seriously So Blessed. The answers will be posted at the end.

Let's begin!

EXAMPLE #1

While I am reluctantly making it, I notice a HuGe Black spider coming out of our back door! To make a long story short, he or she eventually dies, and is currently dead (better be) underneath a can of tuna, on a puddle of bleach spray that I will wait for my husband to clean up. Now, I feel really sick off all the fumes from spraying that spider. My mac and Cheese is done. I think..Hmm, I wish this mac and cheese had more flavor, I know! I'll put salt and pepper on it!

EXAMPLE #2

When it comes to gift giving, Austin always surprises me. He doesn't EVER get me what I ask for and more often than not if I ask for it he won't get it simply because it won't be a surprise if he does so I have stopped asking for things and just let him get me what he wants. This year he got me a spa day at Breathe spa! He calls me his "princess" so he got me a "royal spa treatment". Full body massage, facial, waxing, foot treatment...even tea and cookies/fruit! Wow! This was an awesome gift because it is definitely not something I would EVER buy for myself! What a sweetheart!

EXAMPLE #3

I was secretly (only momentarily) jealous when my husband was diagnosed with cancer because I thought he was going to get to make-a-wish...something I have always thought would be my only way of getting to meet the only famous person I love, Celine Dion...

EXAMPLE #4

My friend MOTHERBOARD (i ain't gonna tell you her REAL name....it is a secret!) Does these BUCKET FILLERS and they are awesome...one was Making something Right with Someone who Wronged you {well...not exactly them words...but that is what i took from it} and i am going to do that today. One of my (ahem...) FRIENDS, insulted my hair a couple of weeks ago right after i got it cut..... well.... she is on my visiting teaching list... so instead of just Sending Her the Message in the mail.... I am actually going to go visit her today. And i will treat her as if she Begged on her hands & knees for my forgiveness and that I accepted her apology. AND all will be well again. ♥ I don't like being mad. At All. It makes my tummy hurt. So, I try to change the situation in my head so that I have NO REASON to be mad ♥ { i really hope she doesn't insult my hair again.... that will ruin my whole plan} Notice I am visiting teaching on the LAST DAY OF THE MONTH!! Yiiikes!!! I'll do better next month!

ANSWERS:

1. REAL
2. REAL
3. REAL
4. REALLY!?

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, in a distant land called "Provo," where we lived sans children, I had a friend with a darling one year old daughter. Every time I went over to her house, her daughter was watching a Baby Einstein DVD. I soon noticed that my friend was putting the DVD on repeat so that her daughter was watching it all day long. I thought to myself, "How awful!" When I pointed this "poor" parenting out to Erik, he said, "Well, what do you expect? She has a toddler. Baby Einstein is probably the only way she finds any time to herself."

I have thought about my Provo friend a lot this week. If that They Might Be Giants "Here Come the 123's" DVD had a repeat function, I would be really tempted to use it right now. This is the week that Luke decided to break out of the crib tent, Charlie decided to start army crawling, and we are still unpacking boxes in our new house. Add in the return of thrush and little sleep, and I think I am going to lose my mind. I'm actually surprised that with the little amount of sleep I've been getting this week that I haven't started hallucinating. Yes, it's that bad.

This will all pass. Everything will get better. I know all this. I just wanted to document what I'm feeling right now. You know, keepin' it real, that's all.

The one highlight of this crazy week was picking apples on Friday morning. It's the second time we've gone this year and I expect to go a few more times before the season is over.

I like this picture because Erik looks mad and Luke looks happy.

The apple orchard is a mile from our house. Luke loves it.

The best part about picking the apples is not picking the apples but feeding the apples to the horses next to the orchard. It's very cheap also. 30 minutes of feeding apples to horses + 4 lbs. of apples to take home = $3.00! (Don't you just love entertainment in small towns?!)

STUPIDITY AND HUMILIATION

My stress level has finally gone down from yesterday's excitement.

Lesson #1

If your car has one of those little computers that say how many miles you have left on your current gas tank, don't believe it. It's totally lying.

I ran out of gas. It shouldn't have been a big deal. I had no children with me (whew!) and was within walking distance of my house. However, I was completely unprepared for how difficult it would be to get the diesel into the car and then restarting it on such little diesel.

Lesson #2:

Know how to get the gas from the can into the tank. It's not as easy as it looks.

I think running out of gas ranks right up there with the most embarrassing moments of my life... especially because it is something that I should be able to control. (My most embarrassing moments include watching my dirty underwear fall out of the bottom of my jeans as I walked into Wal-mart for work, discovering after the Relief Society Presidency had left that one of these women had been standing on a piece of my lingerie the entire duration of their visit, and when I learned at the very end of my mission that I had always been saying "f--- your head" in French instead of "bow your head" when instructing people how to pray.)

Lesson #3:

No matter how well meaning you are, when you are helping someone who has run out of gas, the last thing you should ever say to them is , "You really should get AAA." That's like telling a stranded Hurricane Katrina victim they should have heeded the warnings and gotten out of New Orleans when they are in the middle of dying.

I know... I know...AAA solves everything. One of the women that saved me added that I should get AAA if my husband is going to "make me drive cars like this." Not what I needed to hear at that moment of complete humiliation, but thanks for the ride.