PRISON BREAK

It was inevitable. Luke broke out of the Cozy Crib Tent II. Any hope of him using the tent until he is 5 has now been crushed. Ugh.

I still stand by the tent and would definitely recommend it. We got a good six months use out of it. This is how Luke broke loose -

He picked at a little hole near the zipper until it got big enough for him to slip his hand through and undo the zipper. I've known this was happening for the past few weeks, but I wanted to use the tent until the last possible moment.

So - now what?

In a way, it's a good thing. Charlie outgrew his bassinet a few weeks ago, so he's been sleeping in the pack n' play. Now Charlie can use the crib. That's about the only good thing I can think of.

It was inevitable that we would have to train Luke to sleep in a bed, I was just wishing we could put it off for another year or two... or three.... or four. I know, I sound like a crazy person wanting my son to sleep in a crib until he is 4, but I love being able to contain him. The worst part now is when he sneaks up on me after he breaks out of his room.


I am reading the "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" right now. I think the "no-cry" part of the title is referring to the child, although it should refer to the parent. I want to cry when I think that I will get no more 3 hour naps from Luke in the afternoon. No more of him sleeping in till 9 a.m.

Excuse me while I get a tissue.

WHY DO WE HAVE SO MUCH STUFF?

I have decided that moving is like childbirth. It is really bad, so you swear you will never do it again, but then you forget the pain and do it again....and again... and again.

Here is my advice: Find a house. Live in it forever. Never move. NEVER.

We have been in our new rental since Friday and have now moved on to the tedious part of cleaning the old one and organizing the new one. (Good thing these two houses are right down the street from each other!) I have felt like I've had a part-time job these past few weeks of packing and moving. Thank goodness for such supportive friends who have been willing to watch my kids so that I could get things done. (That's my other advice: If you can avoid moving with two small children, do it.)

Here are some random pictures I wanted to post before I have to get back to work -

This is how Luke helped with the move. I caught him more than once pushing the moving dolly down our cul-de-sac. That got old really fast.

Here is the #1 reason I wanted to move into this house. Remember our old backyard? Today the kids and I had a picnic in the grass. Afterwards, Charlie and I laid on a blanket while Luke ran circles around us. I love having a backyard. (Notice Erik's man cave? He's in heaven too.)

Of course, what's the first thing Luke tries to do when we go into the new backyard? Escape! Good thing I put locks on both gates. (Ha ha ha ha.) Oh, and yes, he is wearing snow boots. Don't ask.

One casualty of the move: Erik's fish tank. He set it on top of Luke's water table and filled the tank with water. The table collapsed and the tank broke. It was very sad. (The table can easily be fixed with nails, the board wasn't broken.) Erik came in the house and said, "Don't worry, the tank is broken, but the $14 table survived." This is why we don't buy nice stuff. (Don't feel too sad for him, he actually bought two fish tanks, both on craigslist. He'll be fine.) No fish were lost in the accident.


Finally, one picture of the kids playing in the yard. Luke loves to wrestle with Charlie. Charlie doesn't mind, so am I a bad mother for allowing it? Probably. Oh well, it keeps them occupied and no one has gotten hurt... yet.

WE HAVE A WINNER

Congratulations to the Brea Family for winning the Rock Daddy Rock cd. Send me an email at ordinaryhousewife@gmail.com with your address and I will pop it in the mail to you!

[If anyone was wondering how the winner was chosen, I used random.org's integer generator. Kaci's idea of closing my eyes and moving the mouse around was definitely tempting though.]

ALL BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

Guess what? I wrote that little post about Children's Music and now I have been showered* with c.d.'s to give away to you!

I am really excited about this first one because it talks about boogers, burping, and gas (not the kind you put in your car). Rock Daddy Rock's Silly Short Songs for Silly Short People lives up to its title. Your kids will get a kick out of the gross out humor. For the parents there are songs like, "Clean up Your Room" and "Time for Bed." The songs are catchy, but not preachy. Seriously, this is good stuff. There is even a potty song. ("When you are in France, don't wet your pants!")

Since I am in the midst of moving (i.e., ye olde blog is on the back burner for the next 5 days or so), I am too tired to think of anything clever and will just make this simple. Here are the rules if you would like to win this c.d.:

1. One entry per person.
2. To enter, leave a comment.
3. The winner will be selected at random.
4. This contest will be open until September 28, 2008 at 9:00 p.m., PST.
5. The winner will be announced on September 29, 2008 on this blog. If you win and do not respond, I will try alternate ways of contacting you.

You have nothing to lose, so enter!

*By shower, I mean I have three different cd's!

NO SHOCK HERE

I hope you're sitting down for this. Stop eating or you'll choke. Okay, are you ready?

Clay Aiken finally admits he is gay.

[I am especially not surprised about this because he would never answer the question when someone would ask him about his sexuality. A non-answer to that question is always code for, "Why, yes, I am." Duh.]

This wouldn't be notable if it weren't for my sisters' enormous crush on him. My condolences to his legions of female fans who were wishing, hoping, thinking, praying, planning and dreaming of being Mrs. Clay Aiken one day. Time to move on. I hear Lance Bass is still available... oh wait, nevermind.

YES, CHARLIE, IT'S STILL THERE

I am going to share with you something that I may regret. I have an idea for an invention (cue the drum roll):

BABY HANDCUFFS!!

You might be laughing right now (or perhaps I am overestimating how funny I really am), but I am dead serious about this.

The main purpose for the baby handcuffs would be to control the baby's hands during a diaper change. Whenever I remove Charlie's diaper, his hands immediately go to his man pieces. Without fail, this happens every single time! If I hand him a toy to distract his hands, I just end up with a toy covered in poop. Seriously, this would solve a lot of problems.

It doesn't stop with just diaper changes. Think of the possibilities! Stop babies from sucking their thumbs, picking their noses, grabbing at whatever you don't want them to, etc. The list could go on forever.

I did a quick patent search and the only similar item I came up with was this:

A Means for Controlling Infants' Hands, Circa 1958

At first glance, this idea looks a bit inhumane (especially because the infant resembles a robot), but we could get around that by turning it into some sort of educational toy. This might sound crazy, but think of the Pee-Pee Teepee. That invention is really stupid and now they sell it at Baby Gap!

Maybe I'm trying to do too much and an old fashioned piece of rope will just work. I'll keep you posted on how this goes.

DVD REVIEW: ELMO'S POTTY TIME

As suggested by Courtney and Shannon, I purchased Elmo's Potty Time DVD. I am hoping that Elmo will brainwash Luke into using the toilet sometime before he turns 3.

Well... after watching it once, I am still trying to figure out what I just saw. It's broken up into little segments like Elmo sitting on a toilet for the first time, how toilet paper is made, Prairie Dawn picking out underwear, and kids spouting off dozens of euphemisms for urine and poop. (I am not making this up.) One kid even says, "I call it dookie!" Elmo calls it "wee wee" and "woo woo." (I was waiting for him to say "wah wah" which is my euphemism for girl pieces, but sadly, it never happened.)

What I want to see is a featurette about the making of Elmo's Potty Time. How did Gordon keep a straight face during the whole thing? Who decided that Elmo's Dad should have a mustache? Who wrote these songs? "It's Potty Time" (not to be confused with "It's Business Time") is actually really catchy.

The first time that Luke and I finished watching this DVD (or "DVDV" as Luke calls it), he anxiously jumped off the couch and said "I have to go potty!" as he ran to the bathroom. I thought, "Yes, it's working! Elmo is doing my dirty work for me. Ah ha!" He didn't really go, but that's okay. Like Elmo says, "Everyone does it eventually."

MY GRADE: TO BE DETERMINED

Here is a clip that is a perfect example of the weirdness that is this DVD.

CHILDREN'S MUSIC

I don't know about you, but the first thing my 2 year old says to me every morning is, "Good Morning, Mommy! Can I watch Cars?!" One of the few things that will distract him from his current Cars obsession is to have children's music playing the minute he wakes up. Really, try it. It almost always works. Here are some of our favorites:

It is an understatement to say that we listen to Raffi often. Luke will usually go up to the laptop and start hitting it, screaming, "Raffi songs! Raffi songs!" He's definitely a fan. This album also holds a lot of sentimental value for me because I used to listen to it as a child too. I picked up some of the Raffi Songs to Read at a garage sale and we really enjoy singing the books to Luke before he goes to sleep. Some of our favorites are "Spider on the Floor" and "Five Little Ducks."

Similar to Elmo in that he doesn't really sing, John Lithgow doesn't have the best voice. He reminds me of Neil Diamond. Everything is half-spoken or half-sung. However, this c.d. is addictive. I secretly wish that Luke will learn the words to "No One Loves you Any Better Than Your M-O-Double M-Y" and sing it around the house. Hasn't happened yet... but I'll keep trying. This is just an all around fun c.d.

Our friends, Jed and Persephone, introduced us to They Might Be Giant's "Here Come the ABC's" album when Luke was born. We recently bought "Here Come the 123's." Both are very good. An added bonus is that they come with DVD's full of music videos of the songs. Since these are music videos made for kids, they almost look like they were ripped right out of Sesame Street. TMBG's childrens albums don't sound much different than their adult albums. Erik sometimes gets more into it than Luke does. Good stuff.

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?

Yesterday afternoon I was almost crying because I thought I was going to literally die from fatigue. Erik called from work.

Me: I am so tired. Charlie just woke up from his nap which means that I won't get to sleep while Luke is taking his nap.

Erik: Just lay Charlie down. He'll cry, but he's a baby. They're supposed to sleep, he'll fall asleep eventually.

Me: You're not listening. Charlie just woke up. He's not going to sleep.

Erik: So what? Just lay him down and take a nap. Who cares if he cries?

ARGH! I'm not sure if the fact that Erik can sleep while a baby is crying makes me jealous or angry. Logistically, it makes sense for him to be able to tune Charlie out so well during the night. He has to get up in the morning for work, while I just sit at home during the day, blog, eat bon bons, and nap at my leisure. (Only if that were all true...)

Seriously though, even being as sleep deprived as I am (and I really am right now), I hate the "cry it out" method. When I hear a mother say that it bothers her to listen to her baby cry in the other room, I want to say, "Well, yeah, that's mother nature telling you it's a bad idea." In other words, Dr. Sears has said,

"...listen to the biological cues of your body when your baby cries rather than to advisors who tell you to turn a deaf ear. These biological happenings explain why it's easy for those advisors to say such a thing. They are not biologically connected to your baby. Nothing happens to their hormones when your baby cries."

When Luke was first born, I had a huge problem of comparing myself to other mothers. They would tell me excitedly that their child only nursed 4 times a day and slept all night, while Luke was still nursing whenever he wanted (I lost count after 8 times a day) and sleeping no longer than a 4 hour stretch at a time. It depressed me. I felt like I was doing something wrong because I was responding to my child's needs.

Luke did not sleep "through the night" until he was around 15 months old. (He is now a wonderful sleeper... well, with the crib tent, of course.) I then started talking to realistic mothers and realized that my child's sleep habits were not abnormal. I was being way too hard on myself.

One of the most common questions I get asked now is what I am doing differently with the second child. For starters, I have decided to respond to my child's needs in a way that I was afraid to with Luke. When Charlie cries, I nurse him without hesitation. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, I go to him immediately. He is a much happier baby than Luke was. Coincidence? I don't know.

This doesn't mean that I am not extremely tired. However, I also have a better perspective. Yes, I don't get a full night's rest right now, but I know I will one day. This won't go on forever. I also think that in a few years I will wish that my children needed me like they did when they were infants.

Although Erik may not respond to a baby's cries, he does respond to other things. The other night, at 3 a.m., I was lying in bed nursing Charlie. When Charlie finished nursing, he turned his head to the other side and spit up all over Erik's face. I heard Erik wake up and say, "Gross, Charlie! He just spit all over me!"

I turned over so that Erik couldn't see my face, and smiled. At last, I felt vindicated.

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN WATER TABLE FOR $14

I was recently at a friend's house and fell in love with her water table. I was psyched to go home and buy one until I saw the price - $309! Ouch! Or $70 for the cheap ones! Since I have an unofficial policy of only buying used toys for my children, I figured that we would just have to do an El Cheapo version. Plus, the concept of the table isn't exactly rocket science.

Erik and I went to Home Depot and purchased wood ($9) and a black plastic concrete mixing tub ($5).




Meet our $14 version of the $309 table -

Not bad, eh? I actually think ours is better than the $309 real one because the tub can be removed for easy cleaning. If the tub breaks, I'll just go buy another one for $5. Erik also drilled a hole in the wood as a drain. I'll paint it after we move. Isn't my husband the best?

The funniest part about this whole experience is that while Erik was building it outside, I was inside packing. He had taken the stereo outside and was blasting the soundtrack to Mamma Mia! I wonder what the neighbors thought of this man outside building a little table, listening to Meryl Streep at full volume.

Charlie and I thought it was strange -



And then we had a good laugh about it -

It was a good day.

OUR AMAZING MAKEOVERS

Candace and I recently attended a MAC make-up class held at the mall. I was really excited because this meant that I would finally learn how to do my make-up. This class was going to change my life, I was sure of it.

Prior to the class, Candace's niece (a MAC employee), told us that if we wanted to be used as models during the class, i.e., get a makeover, we should wear no make-up, arrive early, and sit in the very front row.

Here are our BEFORE pictures:

And here are our AFTER pictures:

As you can see, they didn't pick us to be models. So, we looked like complete freaks among all these make-up enthusiasts because we weren't wearing any make-up. I mean, even the guys in the room had make-up on. We were way out of our league.

Here is some of the life changing material I learned at this class:

1. If you want to look good, you must use no less than 100 brushes. You mean, you don't apply your moisturizer and foundation with a brush either?!?

2. I can be talked into buying fluorescent green eyeshadow for $35. Well, Halloween is coming up.

3. MAC sells a bag of baby wipes, I mean, wipes to remove your make-up, for $17 a bag. Someone asked if you could just use baby wipes, and the make-up artists were offended.

4. I really am as cheap as I think I am. My make-up bag, pre-MAC class, included stuff like Covergirl Bronzer, Covergirl Eye Shadow, Maybelline Mascara, and Almay Eyeliner. (Yup, only the best!) Now that I have some expensive MAC stuff, I am wondering if it's really worth paying $35 for a palette of eye shadow or $17 for an itsy bitsy tube of lip gloss.

5. The whole purpose of spending hundreds of dollars on make-up is to look like you aren't wearing any at all. This makes no sense to me either.

6. Being away from my children all day is a very nice thing. I told Candace that she could have invited me to pick my nose with her for 5 hours and I would have loved it. Can you tell I needed a break?

PRESSURE FROM HUGGIES

The Huggies corporation somehow found out that I have a 27 month old and sent me this mailer the other day. (Notice how it says "Free Subscription" in the upper right hand corner... Yeah, it's a "Free Subscription" to their advertising. Lame.)


As if I already didn't feel a lot of pressure to potty train Luke, now I have Huggies taunting me as well. Evidently, according to this mailer, everyone potty trains their child at 27 months old. Who knew?!

Well, Huggies, I see right through your little marketing ploy! If you pressure parents into potty training their 27 month olds, they will be forced into buying packages of Pull-Ups to take care of the inevitable mess that will follow as a result of premature potty training. I'm no dummy.

Luke washing his hands after he pretends to go to the bathroom.

The question still remains though -- when should I start potty training Luke? We have the all-star seat, but he never really goes to the bathroom on it. It's more like a toy for him. He likes to pretend, but when all is said and done he gets mad if I don't put a diaper on him. Are there any good methods or books I should read so that I can avoid buying Pull-Ups when I actually start potty training?

I NEED BOXES

Beverly recently asked:

Does anyone in your town know that you have a blog? If so, what is your criteria for letting them know?

For the longest time I did not tell anyone in my town that I had a blog. Admittedly, this was very nice because then I could talk about people without them knowing. Then, one evening, I was in a local coffeehouse/juice place and was introduced to the wife of one of Erik's co-workers. We met, I went to get my hot chocolate, and when I came back to her, she said, "I have a confession. I read your blog." (Hi, Cara!) She said that she had been forwarded one of my posts by a friend and had been reading it ever since. After that experience, I figured I better not write anything that I wouldn't want anyone in my "real life" to know.

Now, when people say, "Oh, do you have any hobbies?" I say, "Yes, I blog." Sometimes I wish I was anonymous because then I could be more honest, but oh well, that's why we keep journals.


Speaking of people in my "real life," I started packing today and I really need boxes. If you have any, please call me or post a comment and I will come pick them up!

DRESSING MY AGE

Today I was at the supermarket and I saw this attractive 40-something woman dressed like a 7 year old girl. She had on a green smock dress over a t-shirt, green crocs and a fake flower in her pigtails. The whole outfit was so bizarre that I couldn't stop looking. She even had 2 kids with her.


Her outfit reminded me of something that Charlize Theron would wear on Arrested Development, except that she wasn't a Mr F... at least I don't think she was. As I was driving home, I said a silent prayer in the car that I would always dress my age and never embarrass myself in Savemart like that real life Mr F did.

I need to say a lot more prayers like that because I really don't know how to dress my age. Besides a few givens (avoid the juniors department, don't buy tennis shoes with Sesame Street characters that light up when I walk, there is a reason the J Lo line is always on sale at TJ Maxx, etc., etc.), I am always in doubt when presented with the option of buying something that I would have worn ten years ago. Is it okay for me to wear a Roxy hoodie? Will my Young Women laugh at me if I wear clothes from Hollister or American Eagle? How does a 30 year old keep her dignity without dressing like an old lady?

It is a cruel reality that at this point in my life I can finally afford the stylish clothes that teenagers want to wear, but that I am too old to be wearing them.

A PLEA TO THE WORLD

For the love of all things that are good and holy, I beg of you to stop putting your fingers in this baby's mouth.

Random people are always asking me to hold Charlie. Then, 9 times out of 10 I look over and five minutes into it they are sticking their fingers into his mouth. No wonder he still has thrush.

They laugh, "Oh, isn't it cute? He likes to suck on my fingers!" Yup, it makes perfect sense to put your germ infested hand into a 4 month old's mouth. Suck on this, Charlie -

The cartoons in this picture represent the everyday nastiness that is probably on your hands as you read this blog.

So, I repeat. Please stop sticking your fingers in my baby's mouth. Just because he likes to suck on them, doesn't mean it is a good idea.

Thanks.

RESISTING THE URGE TO HIT

Luke in One of His Signature Outfits (P.J.'s and Snow boots in the Middle of the Summer)

Today I assessed the damage still remaining from this past weekend:

Bruise on my upper leg
Bruise on my arm
Scratches on my arms
Toe that feels broken
Nose that is still sore from when he head butted me during family prayer

... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Why do I feel like I am constantly wrestling with Luke? (Probably because I am.) He runs, I chase him down, try to restrain him, he kicks me, claws at me, spits in my face, etc. It's like Ultimate Fighting, but with my toddler... and I'm losing.

This weekend felt exceptionally bad. On Thursday night, Erik was out sailing and I really wanted a pizza, but I was too cheap to pay the gas surcharge and a tip for delivery. So, I figured I would order it and pick it up. Sounds simple enough. I get to the pizza place and spend 30 minutes trying to keep Luke from running back into their kitchen, all while holding Charlie at the same time. When it finally dawned on me that I couldn't carry the two kids and a pizza, I decided to make two trips out to the car. Luke thought we were leaving without a pizza and threw a tantrum on the pavement in front of the pizza place. With my one free arm, I tried to pick him up while he kicked and spit at me. It was bad. I especially loved the 6 other adults waiting for their pizzas who just stood and watched me. It was really embarrassing and I will not be returning to Papa Johns in Camarillo for a very, very long time.

Then there was my niece's baptism on Saturday night when he had to be taken out of the room by Erik, all the while kicking and screaming, "I WANT BAPTIZED! I WANT BAPTIZED!"

Sunday was the worst. Am I the only one that feels like it is a mean joke for women to be expected to restrain their children for 3 hours while dressed in heels and nice clothes? Immediately after church, Luke ran into the empty chapel and started doing nosedives off the pews. When he saw me, he started running through each pew and crawling under seats like it was a big maze. I finally caught him somehow and during his tantrum he actually pulled my hair out. Ow.

Luke and his cousin, Leyna, taking a bath while camping. See --- sometimes he can be cute.

Perhaps I will regret writing this, but sometimes (not all the time) I feel like spanking Luke. When he kicks me, pulls out my hair, and gives me bruises, I want to fight back. Not hitting my children is a general rule that I have established for myself. I read this article and I am even more determined to not spank my kids. However, my natural instinct is to fight back when he physically hurts me. Is there an alternative to time outs? (Those kind of seem like a joke right now.)

HOPPING AND STALKING

I recently received this question from Stephanie:

Is it wrong to blog hop?

Well, Stephanie, I found this question kind of odd actually. The reason people post links to other blogs on their blog is so you will look (or hop) to that blog. With Google Reader I do a lot less blog hopping, but if you have an hour to kill, it is pretty fun to look at the pictures of some kid's birthday party who you will never meet. A more appropriate question is:

Is it wrong to blog stalk?

The internet is free game. Unless you make your blog private, people who you do not know will look at your blog. This is just the way it works. I am always surprised by people who apologize for being a "blog stalker." There is nothing wrong with it! Although I love finding out who is actually reading this, it's okay if you never leave a comment.

So, speaking of blog stalking, Nancy gave me this very flattering little award on her blog. Instead of passing it along though, I would like to draw your attention to some of my favorite blogs that I have listed on the upper left hand corner of this page:

A Random Stranger - A very well written blog. I sometimes wish I could write about politics, but I'm afraid it would alienate all of you. This guy doesn't care what anyone thinks.

Young and Fabulous - This blogger talks fashion and answers reader questions about what to wear. Oh, and she happens to be my sister.

I am My Jewish Mother - My mother is slowly writing her life story on the internet. I love it.

How Charming - If only I could be half as funny as Jamie...

The Archives of Our Lives - I've never met Camille and probably never will, but I know more about her life than the lives of most of my good friends.

Wash Your Hands Afterwards - Another well written blog. I am always impressed by how much she is able to accomplish with 3 small children.

If anyone has questions or something you would like me to blog about, please contact me at ordinaryhousewife@gmail.com.

I'VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY

We're moving down the street! Someone in our ward called us this weekend and asked if we wanted to rent their home. She said, "I noticed that you haven't destroyed your current rental," which everyone knows is code for "You're not slobs." How flattering. She must have visited our house on a good day.

You know how most people worry that their underwear won't be clean if they accidentally ended up in the hospital? I worry that I will be in an accident, and someone will see our messy house. I thought about it non-stop after visiting Alchoholly's house when she unexpectedly ended up in the psych ward and she was somewhat clean. A mess always looks different to the one not living in it.

Despite still feeling messy and unorganized, I have come a long way as far as cleanliness is concerned. I'm sure that any of my pre-mission roommates would agree that I was very messy.

Alpine Ridge at NAU
Flagstaff, Arizona 1996

This is a picture of the front room of my first apartment in college. What you can't see is the dead fish hanging from the ceiling fan! Those cardboard cutouts in the front window are Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt (why?.... just because). At this point all of our beds were in the front room and we had a back bedroom devoted just to laundry. In that room all of the roommates laundry was mixed up together and separated into piles: Clean, Dirty, and the Point of No Return. I'm sure my memory has blocked out the worst of it.

A few months after this apartment, some roommate drama, and a doublewide trailer later, I moved into a small one bedroom apartment that I shared with just one of my roommates from the previous apartment. Of course, we immediately established the same laundry system as before (all over the floor in piles). Since this was an older apartment, we clogged the kitchen drain. Instead of unclogging it, we started using the bathroom sink. When that clogged, we did our dishes in the bathtub. That is - when we did our dishes. We used these cheap plastic forks and knives that should have been thrown away after 3 or 4 uses. Instead, when they would break on us, we would continue to use them. I specifically remember trying to eat ice cream with a 2 inch plastic handle from a broken spoon. The low point of this semester came when a friend's little sister asked us if she could clean our house for her Laurel project. We weren't offended that she asked.

I took a semester off, supposedly matured, and moved in with 5 other girls.... nope, still slobby.

Except living with 5 other girls, there are bound to be some clean freaks, which was good for me. I was that roommate, you know the one who would get notes on the refrigerator like, "Clean out your nasty crockpot or die." In this lovely picture, I clogged up the sink by shoving all my potato and carrot peelings down the drain and my roommates made me clean it out. It's hard to be 20, I tell you... especially when you want so badly to exert your independence by being a total slob and other people are holding you accountable for your messiness.

Cleaning out the Garbage Disposal
Flagstaff, Arizona 1998

Now, here's the part in the post when I'm supposed to show you a picture of my sparkling clean home and say how grateful I am for the lessons I learned in college.

My Beautiful and Clean House
2008

Yeah right.

I have a messy refrigerator, there are toys everywhere, folded laundry still not put away, and a floor that desperately needs to be mopped. The difference between then and now is that I actually am embarrassed when someone sees it this way, as opposed to thinking it was totally awesome when I was 20.

Sometimes it really is good to grow up.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH KIDS TODAY?

My sister called me gloating today to talk about Bristol Palin's pregnancy, "Did you hear the news?!" Of course I did. Who didn't? It's all they talked about on the news. You would think that by the way the news was covering this story that Sarah Palin had belonged to a radical black separatist church for the past 20 years (oh wait, that was Obama). What does this have to do with the campaign?

I can't help but feel a little bad for Bristol Palin. This poor 17 year old girl made some mistakes and suddenly she is thrown into the middle of the presidential campaign. If anything, I think this just proves again that the Palin family "walks the walk" when it comes to unplanned pregnancies.

I know that many of you will probably think I am crazy for saying this, but I am actually really starting to like Sarah Palin, flaws and all. No candidate is perfect.

One final lesson...

Bristol Palin's Baby Daddy

Be careful what you write on your MySpace Page, blog, Facebook, etc. The media tracked down Bristol Palin's baby daddy and on his myspace page he wrote these lovely words -

"I'm a f - - -in' redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes.

But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- - - and just f - - -in' chillin' I guess.

"Ya f - - - with me I'll kick [your] a--."

Wow, her future son-in-law sounds like a real winner. Is it just me, or do we all suddenly feel even worse for Sarah Palin?