MR. POPULAR

One of the great things about having a new baby was all the visitors and help we received over the past month! I feel so fortunate to have had constant help for 3 weeks straight. So, here's my "shout out" to all the great help! I really can't say thank you enough.

Mom and Dad Lassen arrived the day Charlie was born and took Luke away for 5 days! It was a big treat for us to be alone with Charlie.

Luke came home via Candace and Lizette. Candace made us delicious food and Lizette kept Luke entertained.

When Candace left, my Mom arrived and stayed for a week. Of course I cried when she left. She did so much for me, I thought I'll never be able to do this on my own. (Mom, you are welcome ANYTIME. )

After Erik took a week off, my sister-in-law Else and brother-in-law Haans came for the weekend. They held Charlie a lot, and even changed Luke's diapers. (That takes courage because "big boy" diapers are disgusting.)


Then finally, last weekend, my sister Kaci and brother-in-law Salesi stopped by. Kaci is a nanny, so she is a pro when it comes to kids. She showed me how to calmly get Luke dressed for church, something I still have not mastered.

And now I am ALL ON MY OWN... and I'm somehow functioning (even blogging!) While all the help was good, it did get me thinking that I couldn't do anything on my own with two children, yet I'm now figuring it out day by day and actually gaining a lot of self confidence. I still haven't tried to take both of the kids to the store by myself, and probably won't for awhile. Admittedly, Luke does watch a lot of Sesame Street. However, I can honestly say that no tears have been shed since I've been officially "flying solo" and sometimes I would even call having two kids under the age of two, "FUN." That's not to say that if I could afford it, I would definitely hire someone to help me. Do you know anyone with good references who will work for a $1 an hour?

THE RETURN OF FAT FACE

YES!

I finally found a picture of Angelina Jolie with pregnant Fat Face! This made my day. See - she's human too!

TACKY MODESTY

Modesty IS the best policy. It really is. I try to be a "good girl" (besides, who really wants to see my junk hanging out of clothes) and shop for "modest" clothing. Since it is difficult, especially during the summer, to find modest clothes, a lot of people I know buy "immodest" clothing and modest-ize it. Along those lines, I found this site that lists ways to make your clothes modest. These include:

Tank Tops (under your clothes)
Tube Tops (under your clothes)
Cardigans
Short Sleeve Jackets

Notice anything missing from this list? If you guessed WEARING T-SHIRTS UNDER "IMMODEST" DRESSES, then you win!

I am by no means a fashionista and my family (especially my sisters) will attest to this. It is so bad that Erik suggested that I set aside a large sum of money to buy all new clothes after I lose the baby weight. (That was either an incentive get me to lose the weight fast, a big hint that he hates my clothes, or both.) However, in my opinion there is just something very wrong about wearing t-shirts under dresses, in particular, formal evening gowns. It just looks really really dumb.

Did anyone notice David Archuleta's mother's outfit at the American Idol Finale on Wednesday night? I could be wrong, but it looked like Mrs. Archuleta was wearing a formal evening gown over a t-shirt. She's probably a super nice lady, but she has evidently succumbed to what I call, "Tacky Modesty." Here is an example of tacky modesty that I found in an advertisement online:



Tacky Modesty was undoubtedly invented by someone out there (probably from Utah) who had the bright idea of wearing a t-shirt underneath an immodest dress. I see at least 2 young women each week at church wearing strapless dresses over t-shirts. Who thought this was a good idea? Does anyone really think a strapless dress over a t-shirt looks good?

A good rule of thumb when looking for modest formal evening wear is to follow the Mormon celebrities, like Marie Osmond or Gladys Knight. I have never seen them perform or walk down the red carpet wearing an immodest dress over a shirt. Another example would be to imagine Brooke White on stage with the other female American Idol finalists. Picture all the other women wearing identical dresses, but Brooke is wearing her dress over a t-shirt. Everyone would think that looks stupid (because it does!), yet people continue to try to pull off this look day after day.

I would apologize to anyone who might be sporting the Tacky Modesty look, but I really thought it was important to get the word out. I admire your good intentions, but please, just stop. There are other ways to be modest that don't involve old t-shirts. Thanks.

EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK

I wanted to be sure to document Luke's latest going to sleep ritual. For awhile now I have been tucking the book I read to him right before he goes to bed into his crib with him. Well that has escalated into him requesting everything he can think of to be put in the crib with him before he sleeps. I am not making this up. Here are his recent requests from just ONE nap time:

An Airplane
Erik's Pilot Textbook
Elmo Hat
A Striped Shirt
Elmo Shoes
Sippy Cup of Milk
Silky
3 Random Books
A Plastic Boat
Buzz Lightyear
2 Blankets
2 Pillows
Granola Bar
Legos

He literally is sleeping on top on legos, a plastic boat and a huge aviation textbook. Doesn't that sound uncomfortable?!

Of course I don't give him everything he requests (sorry, no granola bars in bed), but can you really blame him? If I knew I was going to be zipped and trapped in my bed by a tent, I would want everything in there with me too.

NURSING IN PUBLIC

The Blush that my friend Katie sent me could not have arrived on a better day!

I don't know what's worse -

Exposing myself (i.e., MY BOOB) while nursing in public.
Exposing my disgusting stretch marked jelly belly while nursing in public.
Exposing the upper half of my stretch marked butt while nursing in public.

While I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding, I do understand why some people don't do it. It takes work and a willingness to lift your shirt up anywhere and at anytime to appease a hungry newborn. (I know it gets better, that's why I'm still doing it.) No matter how hard I try, I never seem to be able to master the blanket over the shoulder, Hooter Hider, nursing shawl thing, etc. A big part of me wants to militantly nurse everywhere with no cover-up and be like, "Deal with it people!" However, I know that the world doesn't work that way and me exposing myself in public will probably cause more problems than help for the breastfeeding movement.



So back to the Blush. If you're not familiar with the product, it's like a tube top that just goes around your waist. (See the picture above, you can't even tell it's not an undershirt). At first glance it doesn't look elastic enough, but once I put it on, it had no problem staying in place. I have a long torso, and now with the way my body has changed since pregnancy, my shirts don't fit so well either. This nicely covers that little gap between pants and shirt and hides my jelly belly. I also love how I can adjust how low I need it to go. True, I could wear a long tank top or shirt to layer underneath my clothes, but do I honestly want another layer to deal with when I'm already trying not to expose myself in public while nursing?

As if she weren't already so fantastic for sending me those Blushes, Katie is offering 20% off to anyone who orders 2 or more Blushes off the website. The coupon code is: WELOVEBLOGGERS.

(THANKS AGAIN, KATIE. I LOVE THEM!)

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MORMON

(I totally stole that blog post title from this great Newsweek article about Mormons in reality television.)

Everyone I have spoken with today has asked me at some point in the conversation who I think will win American Idol. So, since I seem to be some sort of un-official authority on the matter, let's review the situation.

It's down to this guy (the Mormon):

Or the Non-Mormon -

(If anyone knows what the significance is of that orange rubber band around his hand, please do tell.)

I think the judges made it pretty clear last night that they want the Mormon to win. So, yeah, the Mormon is who I think will win too.

The real question though is does Archuleta deserve to win? I don't think so. He's great at those ballads, but Cook is more versatile, despite the HAIR. (Oh that hair... how could we rescue that? Would it be better to shave it off?) The best possible thing to happen to David Cook at this point would be to NOT win American Idol. That way he doesn't have to release "Dream Big" as his first single (although it does have a Bon Jovi-esque sound to it) and he'll have more creative freedom with his c.d.

I love this kind of stuff, especially since it won't matter next week. A month from now, everyone will be like, "Who were the top 2 again? What were their names?"

CO-SLEEPING

When I used to think of co-sleeping, the first thing to come to mind was Luke literally jumping on my head, while Erik and I lied there, protecting our faces with our hands, trying to sleep. This was not exactly my idea of a good night's rest. I never understood how people could stand to let their children in bed with them.

THEN I bought this beautiful invention -

The Arm's Reach C0-Sleeper

So... you're probably looking at this photo and thinking, "That's nothing more than a glorified bassinet." Pretty much. It folds up like a pack n' play for easy transport, it also has pockets, wheels and storage underneath the bed. The side can go up or down and will attach to the side of your bed.

When Luke was a baby, he lasted in our room, in a bassinet that was not connected to our bed, for about 1 week. He would hardly sleep in it, and when he did, he was noisy. He spent most of his time sleeping in the swing... so much so that I worried his head would be permanently deformed. I would get up every 1 to 3 hours during the night to nurse him. This meant getting up, out of bed, and sitting on the couch, where I would sit and watch infomercials and other quality late night television. I was a zombie during the day. I didn't feel like myself for almost a year until Luke finally began to sleep "through the night."

As soon as I discovered I was pregnant with Charlie, I started freaking out about the inevitable lack of sleep. I had no clue how I was going to cope with Luke and stay up at night to care for Charlie. This co-sleeper has made all the difference. During the course of a typical night, Charlie will wake up, I pull him out of the co-sleeper (I'm half-awake, since I don't have to get up), I nurse him lying down, put him back into the co-sleeper. I don't look at the clock either. So, I really have no clue how much he's getting up, which seems to fool myself into thinking I got more sleep than I did. Sometime around sunrise, Charlie ends usually up in bed with us because I will fall asleep while nursing... which is totally fine, since that means we are both getting more sleep.

I realize this isn't exactly revolutionary. People have been doing this for years - extending their beds, taking the sides off of bassinets, etc. - so, why did it take me until now to figure this out?

I can honestly say that it is 4:30 p.m. right now, and even though I didn't get a nap today, I'm still functioning. I'm tired, but I'm functioning, and that's more than I could say when Luke was this age. It's a good feeling. The only problem is that I love this feeling of being well rested so much, that I don't know how soon I will want to move Charlie out of our room!

IT'S JUST A CRUSH

My celebrity crushes have gone in this order:

Junior High - Keanu Reeves (yeah, weird, I know)
High School - Evan Dando (this really dates me - if anyone even knows who he is)

...and that's about it! I was never one of those girls to have a big poster of some celebrity on my wall, although it seemed like most of my friends were seriously obsessed with some "flavor of the month." For example, in junior high, my friends told me that I had to have a crush on one of the "Young Guns," so I picked Kiefer Sutherland, even though I didn't really like him. Then, in college, my roommates told me I had to pick a Backstreet Boy to have a crush on and I chose Brian because he was the only one not taken, even though I didn't really like him either. Dang, peer pressure.

My sisters on the other hand have been totally obsessed with certain celebrities and not ashamed of it either. The far worst being CLAY AIKEN. (Yes, you read that right. I really just wrote CLAY AIKEN.) A few years ago, my parents surprised Kelley and Caitlin with tickets to a Kelly Clarkson/Clay Aiken concert. I would have expected them to leave the concert talking about Kelly Clarkson, but instead they couldn't stop drooling over Clay Aiken. They obsessed for hours over how close he was standing to them, and how he was so "tall" and "much better looking in person." At first I thought it was a joke, but then posters of Clay started showing up in their rooms. They talked about Clay non-stop. They probably even joined those "Clay-mate" groups online - that's how crazy obsessed they were. It was weird... like their bodies had been possessed.

Just in case you don't know who I am talking about, here is the advertisement for Clay's brand new album:


Man, I hope this post doesn't make their husbands jealous.

PHYSICAL PREPARATION

Was that not the most dramatic rose ceremony ever ?!?!?!? Please believe me when I say that I only watched 30 minutes of the Bachelor: London Calling this entire season. (Sad, I know.) Also, believe me when I say that it was the funniest 30 minutes of television I have seen this entire season. My favorite part was how each girl told the Bachelor that they were different from the other girls because this was "like, real for me, like ya know" and then the Bachelor would proceed to make out with each of them. Yes, good quality television.

The reason I bring this lovely gem of a show up is because I read today on Fox News that the winner of this year's season, 22-year-old Shayne Dahl Lamas, was quoted as saying, "We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt [the Bachelor]." What does this mean - physically prepared for marriage? Does she want to lose a few pounds? Get her hair done? Run a marathon? Is it just me or does that statement make no sense whatsoever?

BACKYARD BLUES

I don't know what would be worse - having a huge backyard that is a big pile of dirt and tumbleweeds or not having a backyard at all? This picture will hopefully give you an idea of the vastness that exists behind our house -


If that still doesn't convey how large our backyard is, Erik was literally driving his Oldsmobile around in it last weekend. (How very classy of him.)

I was at our ward's playgroup recently and all the mothers were freaking out because their children were playing in a mud puddle... that is, all the mothers except for me. I was like, "Whoop-te-do, a mud puddle?! Puh-lease." Take a look at Luke after just 5 minutes in the our backyard.

I wish I could say this was not typical, but when all you have is a big pile of dirt for your child to play in, this is what happens every day. This is why I bathe him twice a day. This is why I do twice as much laundry as I should.

The answer: We should move to a rental with a finished backyard. The only problem is that I hate moving. I hate moving so much that I will continue to endure this mess day after day. Poor Luke, if only his parents were more flexible and didn't have so much junk.

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

Today the Young Women asked me when I was going to bring Jurgen Danger (aka Charlie) to church. (Little did they know, I actually did bring him to church, I just sat in the back and happened to skip out of sacrament meeting, with baby in tow, during the closing hymn.) Erik came home during the 2nd hour so that I could go to Young Womens. Why all the theatrics, you ask? Charlie is only two and a half weeks old, which still seems way too little to me to be exposing him to all sorts of people, i.e., snot nosed kids (other than Luke, of course), young women, etc.

The more I thought about it today, I also might be avoiding "showcasing" him because I am waiting for him to look like my son. If you haven't noticed, Charlie looks nothing like me. NOTHING. Seconds after his birth, immediately following the thought, "Whew, I'm glad he finally came out," came, "What the -?? What's with the dark hair? Who are you little man?" It reminds me of my sister, Caitlin, who asked "Um, which one is my baby?" after she was taken to the nursery following her delivery of my nephew. Thank goodness I had him at home, or I would probably be wondering if Charlie was switched at birth.

Please don't think I am a bad or unloving mother. I love Charlie. He's swell. I just keep hoping his hair will turn lighter or for some other characteristic that will identify him as mine. Erik tells me that this should help me to understand how he felt when Luke was born. I guess this is what I get for the first kid looking all like me.

CHUBBY BUNNY

Whenever my issue of La Leche League's Mothering magazine comes in the mail, Erik always says the same thing when he sees the ads for nursing bras, "There is no way those women have had children. NO WAY." For example, here's one of the women from an actual ad (with my arrows for added emphasis):


Besides the perky chest, you'll notice the perfectly flat belly. Anyone who's had a baby knows that your belly looks like it's been through a war zone after that child comes out. I don't care what pictures of, for example, post-baby Denise Richards look like. I bet those photos are totally doctored. There is just NO WAY anyone would come out of pregnancy looking that good.

The other night at mutual, one of the young women asked to see my belly. My naked, un-photoshopped, flabby, two week post baby belly. Taking this as an opportunity to dissuade an impressionable young women from contemplating teenage pregnancy, I gladly lifted my shirt. She immediately gasped, covered her mouth, started gagging and said, "I am never having a baby. That is disgusting!" as she ran to the bathroom to vomit. My feelings weren't hurt because I agree, it IS disgusting. The jiggly jelly belly, stretch marks, and belly button that resembles a black hole, are just many of the great sacrifices that come with the privilege that is motherhood.

What does hurt my feelings? My husband's new nickname for me is Chubby Bunny. He thinks its hilarious. I'm not laughing. Plus, isn't that the cardinal sin to call your wife, fat?

If only men would understand that the first six months (or six years) after a baby is born are really awkward for women (Denise Richards and Christina Aguilera excluded). For example, none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit. I have to keep wearing maternity pants, but I don't want anyone to know I'm wearing maternity pants, so I have to make sure my shirts are really long. On top of that, I don't want to wear maternity shirts because then it will look like I am still pregnant, although normal clothes just make me look fat. I'm too cheap to buy a new wardrobe because I'm hoping to be back to normal soon, but deep down I know I probably won't be back to my pre-pregnancy size for another year.

Agh, what's a girl to do?

Chubby Bunny, OUT

THE GREAT PIZZA GIVEAWAY WINNER

Congratulations to Kelley, the winner of the Great Pizza Giveaway! She was the first person to suggest Charlie as a name. The only problem in getting the pizza to her was the difficulty in finding anyone who would deliver to her ghetto neighborhood in Oakland. (Special thanks to the guys at Round Table for risking their lives to make sure she got her prize!)

BFF

As if.

Okay, it's been almost two weeks since Charlie was born. The whole reason I had these kids so close together was because random strangers, family members, friends, etc. promised me they would be great friends. "They" said that two kids is eventually easier than one because they entertain each other. So, like, when does this happen, because I'm getting tired.

Alright - it hasn't been that bad, but that's because I've had a lot of help. My mom is currently out with Luke at the grocery store. I'm sitting here typing at the computer with Charlie lying on my chest, strapped into the Snugli. Yesterday morning while my mom and Erik were both out for various reasons was the first major test. Here are some sample questions:

#1: You're comfortably nursing a newborn, when you suddenly hear your toddler pushing chairs around in the kitchen, screaming for milk. When you try to get up, your newborn screams uncontrollably and spits up inside your bra. Do you:

a) help your toddler?
b) continue nursing the newborn?
c) ignore them both and take a shower because you are drenched in puke?

#2: You need to take a shower to get ready for church, but there are no other adults in the house. It's not safe to leave the toddler alone with the newborn because he likes to jump on his head and feed him fruit snacks. Do you:

a) skip the shower, put on lots of deodorant, and hope no one stands close enough to smell you at church?
b) put the newborn in the bathroom with you in a bouncer so you can watch him while you shower, although this means your toddler is roaming the house with no supervision?
c) same as b, except turn on the t.v. for your toddler, deadbolt all the doors, and pray the toddler doesn't do anything crazy during your shower?

I wish I was making these scenarios up. My life seriously feels like its turning into a test about priorities and who gets taken care of first. The other night, around 3 a.m., Luke threw up and Charlie was crying. No big deal, because there are two of us, but what happens when Erik and I are outnumbered? Hopefully, when and if we have more children, Charlie and Luke will be good friends by that point and can work together for good. (You know, like a team of superheroes!) Anyway, that's in the future... the very distant future.

LOST RECAP: TOO DEPRESSING

Is it just me, or is Lost turning into the most depressing show on television? I don't know if I can keep watching it. Last night's episode put me over the edge. Let's recap all the depressing things to have recently taken place:

Charlie dies.
Karl dies.
Rousseau dies.
Alex dies.
Claire is probably dead
Baby Aaron without his mother is left to starve to death.
Future Sun is without Future Jin.
Future Hurley is in a mental institution.
Future Nadia marries Future Sayid and then dies.
Future Sayid is an assassin.
Future Jack breaks Future Kate's heart.
Future Jack is addicted to pain meds.
Future Hurley is still fat.

The list goes on... really, I'm sure if I took the time, I could come up with 100 more depressing things to have recently occurred on Lost.