"THAT'S NOT MY GOOD NEWS MOMENT!"

Other than the possibility that a Mormon might really win American Idol this year (thank you David "Aw Shucks, Golly Gee" Archuleta), other recent exciting news to come out of the Mormon world is the immediate church-wide dismissal of "Good News Moments."

I learned from attending Relief Society in Camarillo a few weeks ago that "Good News Moments" are through, fini, KAPUT. This decision supposedly coming straight from the General Relief Society Board in Salt Lake City. For those unfamiliar with the practice, "Good News Moments" occurred during the opening announcements of Relief Society. The person conducting would say, "Any good news moments?" and then women in the room would raise their hands to share good news like new grandchildren, job promotions, etc. I think this was supposed to help us feel more of a sisterhood or kinship with one another by sharing our "good news." At least I think that was what was originally intended.

The first time I heard of "Good News Moments" was in Camarillo, and I'll admit, I thought our ward Relief Society presidency was just making this whole thing up. They had done crazy things in the past - like the one time the Visiting Teaching Supervisor dressed up in an actual chicken mascot costume to hand out chicken soup. Or the other time the Relief Society President did a cartwheel during her lesson. I figured this was just something else funny they had made up to get our attention. (Unfortunately, I remember the gimmicks, but can't remember the points of the lessons.)

"Good News Moments" in Camarillo was usually okay. Although, there were some weird things like -

"I finally killed the spider in my garage!"
"My husband didn't beat me today!"
"My period started! Whew!"
"I'm 5 minutes pregnant!"

Alright, so I made those last three up, but there was weird stuff like that. It was uncomfortable. My friend had her mother-in-law say once, while she was also sitting in the same Relief Society, "Someone in my family is pregnant, but she doesn't want anyone to know!" Everyone looked at my friend and started smiling at her. She wasn't pregnant. It was really awkward.

My Mom thinks that the "Good News Moments" got canceled because the General Relief Society Board heard her story. I won't go into the details, but a few summers ago someone in my Mom's ward announced some good news relating to my mom. Everyone looked at my mom and said, "Wow, Kathy!" My Mom said, "That's not my good news." The room was really quiet for a few minutes. My Mom got up and walked out. I'm not making this up. It was a bad situation. So bad, that I refuse to write the specific details about the story for fear of "stirring the pot."

Funny, in Tehachapi, they never did do "Good News Moments" here. Maybe that's because there is no good news in Tehachapi, or our Relief Society was above such nonsense. Apparently the Estrella Hills Ward still hasn't gotten the memo, because when I visited my parents last weekend, they were still doing "Good News Moments." There was still that awkward silence as people tried to come up with something positive to say. Then what started off good, turned into travelogues and weird stories. I thought, "Man, these women need to start their own blogs or something to get all these stories and thoughts off their chests. "

I will not miss "Good News Moments."

KACI'S WEDDING (AND OTHER LESSONS LEARNED)

The last of my sisters got married this weekend. I realized that during all three of their weddings, I have found myself sitting inside the temple watching the ceremony and wondering, "Is she going to say yes? Is she really going to do it? I bet she's going to back out at the last minute." Then, after the ceremony, I am in awe that they actually got married. Maybe it's just that you don't realize how important a commitment like marriage is until you are the one watching the ceremony.

Anyway, this last weekend was great, Kaci and Salesi looked great, the reception was beautiful and I learned a whole bunch of lessons that I don't want to forget.


#1 Lesson Learned: Tongans do it better.

What I mean by that is that Kaci's husband's family, who are Tongan, put on a great show during the reception. Dancing, jokes, good music. It was really fun. Are white people boring or is it just the Goodrich family that needs to liven up? (Uh, don't answer that.)

#2 Lesson Learned: Just hire a babysitter. It's totally worth it.

Erik and I decided months ago that if all possible, we were never taking a child to a wedding reception. Then Kaci announced that she would be holding her reception in Goodyear, a place where, although my parents live there, I know relatively few people. I didn't try hard enough to find a sitter for Luke and it made for a miserable time. Not only was the reception during his naptime, but it was held on a lake and he kept wanting to run into it. Since I am huge and unable to wrestle with Luke, Erik had to restrain him the entire time (see above picture for example). Not fun.


#3 Lesson Learned: It's okay to break from tradition if it makes the bride happy.

Check out Kaci's dress. Not your typical wedding garb, but it worked and she looked pretty. Other "untraditional" things she insisted on doing were: Holding the reception the afternoon of her wedding day and then getting married at 6:45 p.m. that same night. No fancy wedding cake. No daddy daughter dance. No first dance.

I really have to admire my sister's desire to make her wedding day exactly how she wanted and not to succumb to a bunch of expectations, etc. like the rest of us do.

The one thing she did succumb to was tossing her bouquet. A couple of her mission companions insisted she throw the bouquet before she leave, but only one wanted it bad enough to catch it.


Bonus Lesson Learned: Do not wear 2 inch high heels when you are 32 weeks pregnant. I was like a handicapped person for most of the day because of how uncomfortable it was to walk. Ow.

MY SUPER SWEET DIARY

While I'm still playing catch-up with my life since getting home last night from being in Arizona, I wanted to mention that my sister, Kelley, has started up her fashion blog again! I'm so happy!

MIDDLE AGE

I've never been one of those people to make lists like, "I must do such and such by the time I turn 30 or else..." I've always felt that the less expectations I have for myself then the less I will be disappointed in the long run.

As for goals to accomplish by age 30, the only plan I recall making is that as 19 year olds, Erik and I both agreed that we would marry each other if we were both single by the "old" age of 30. Thank goodness that we didn't have to follow through with that.

Tomorrow I turn the big 3-0. I've been saying for a year that I am almost 30 when asked my age so that this way it wouldn't be such a shock to my ears when I really did turn 30. Good strategy, huh? Does this make me officially middle aged? I suspect that the younger twenty-somethings will say yes, and the older twenty-somethings (and beyond) will say no. And so what if 30 does make me old! Is middle age a bad thing? A few years ago, I finally realized that I'm not in high school or college anymore. I've also stopped acting surprised when people call me "ma'am" or let me rent a car without any hassle. I've also decided that all the things I'm lacking at this age (home ownership, millions of dollars in the bank, a fancy new car, an advanced degree) don't really matter when I look at what I'm proud to have accomplished in my 12 years of adult life (marriage, a bachelors degree, 1 and half kids, an airplane in the garage, an old car in the side yard and two home computers! WOW!)

Erik always asks me at what point have we "made it" or do we just give up and decide this is how it will always be. Is there some sort of point when we accept the fact that we will probably be lower middle class white trash forever (by pricey California standards) or do we keep on chugging until we hit age 80 and discover that where we were at age 30 was as good as it got?

It's never too late to set goals. So, here is my official "Things to Do Before I am 30" List:

1. Pack for our trip to Arizona tomorrow.
2. Start the dishwasher.
3. Clean the bathrooms.
4. Run the rehearsal for an upcoming Young Womens skit.
5. Watch American Idol tonight.

See - no high expectations means no great disappointments. Tomorrow will be a great day!

FAT FACE

I had an appointment with my midwife yesterday. At 31 weeks, I measure 31! Right on schedule. Although, can someone please explain to me why she only measures my belly when other parts of me seem to be growing just as rapidly? If if was up to me, face measurement would be a standard part of every pre-natal exam, especially since mine seems to have been growing exponentially during the past few months.

Here I am at 5 weeks pregnant, my face is a little round, but not like the basketball size it is in the next picture -



Here is a picture from last week - Hello, Fat Face. How are you? Granted, the goofy hat doesn't help, but people, please don't tell me my face was always that fat! (That plea goes out to my sisters and Candace who are always just a little too brutally honest with me sometimes.)


Fortunately for my self-esteem, I am well aware that Fat Face is a normal part of pregnancy. Besides, I know (hope) it will all be okay in the end, so I'm like, whatever, bring on Fat Face. I can dig it. I love it when I whine, "Erik, I have Fat Face! I know I do!" that he doesn't even pretend to deny it to make me feel better, but just says, "You're pregnant."

I do, however, have a gripe with actresses playing pregnant women because they never have the accurate portrayal of Fat Face. The absolute worst was when Rachel was pregnant on Friends. It looked like they just strapped one of those fake pillows from Motherhood on Jennifer Aniston. The worst thing is that all the men in the world see women like Jennifer Aniston or Keri Russell pretend to be pregnant minus Fat Face, and wonder why they got jipped with a Fat Face wife. The reality is that true pregnant women blow up everywhere, not just in the belly. Anyone who doesn't is a freak and I hate you. (Just kidding about that last sentence. Kind of.)

For your viewing pleasure, and to aid in my acceptance of Fat Face, here are some other famous pregnant women to have suffered from Fat Face:

First off, it's safe for me to mention my little sister, Caitlin, because she is a disgustingly small size zero again, but compare this pre-pregnancy face -

To this 8 Months Pregnant Face-

Whoa! Can you say FAT FACE!?

You know how Sally Field does those Boniva commercials? Well, I think Catherine Zeta-Jones would be a great spokeswoman for pregnant women who suffer from Fat Face if they ever came out with a medication to control it.

Notice how Katie Holmes tries to unsucessfully hide her Fat Face by wearing a white turtleneck. It doesn't work as her face is obviously twice the size as Tom Cruise's.

Here is Britney during and before pregnancy. As you can see, she not only suffered from Fat Face, but white trash disease as well. (Not like there is anything really classy about dancing with a stuffed snake...) However, good for Brit. Fat Face and proud!

KELLEY BORING (Kelley's Post)

The other night my husband and I were sitting around complaining about how boring we are, each one pointing the finger at the other saying, "you're the boring one!" In an effort to win this argument Vak (my husband) said, "I bet if I google 'Kelley Boring' a picture of you will come up!"

So he did... and this is what "Kelley Boring" looks like.

I FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST

I met my mom down in Orange County on Friday to help with a sort of "mercy mission." About a week earlier, my grandmother's neighbors called 911 because my grandmother was roaming her condominium complex screaming and banging on doors. When I finally arrived on Friday, my grandmother had just completed a 72 hour involuntary psychiatric hold in the psych ward at the Huntington Beach Hospital. Our mission: Get her screwed up paperwork (powers of attorney, etc.) to the appropriate people. Ensure that she doesn't get sent home again. (The hospital told us this was very likely despite her confused state and inability to make legal decisions for herself.) Get her into a nursing home.

Before I go any further, I know what you're thinking:

Did all the patients in the psych ward walk around in bathrobes like on Lost?

Unfortunately, no. It was more like the patients were wearing clothing from the hospital's donation bin and/or hospital gowns.

All I know is that if (or when) I lose my mind, the last place I want to be sent is the psych ward of the Huntington Beach Hospital. I can't account for the rest of the hospital, and it really could be a very nice place, however, just visiting the psych ward over a period of two days was enough to make me start going crazy.

The patient's rooms were not much larger than my bedroom closet (maybe 8' x 6') with a small window overlooking a cemetery. The white walls were spotted with cracked paint and holes were everywhere. No t.v.'s in the rooms, only a desk and a single light. The beds were manually operated by a crank system. Every meal appeared to be the same - rice pilaf, steamed carrots and some sort of chopped up meat. Patients ate with plastic cutlery on Styrofoam plates as not to be tempted to injure themselves. Before entering, we were forced to give up any "contraband" items, such as string used to tie a balloon or any sort of plastic bag. Homeless people walked up and down the hall, back and forth. When I would go up to the nurses’ station to ask a question, the other patients would huddle close next to me. (All I could think was, "Please don't touch my belly!" Normal strangers even tend to do that a lot these days, and the last thing I wanted was 5 mental patients doing the same.)

Over the course of our two day visit, my grandmother ranted about how she was given a patch by the nursing staff so that she wouldn't get pregnant (in actuality, it was a patch for her blood pressure), couldn't remember her age or birthday and cried sporadically about how she wanted to stay in the hospital and not be locked up in the nut house.

You know you're crazy when you're in the nut house and you don't realize you're there.

We visited her typically spotless condominium overlooking the ocean to find it trashed out, papers strewn everywhere, a paper cutter propping a bathroom door open, prescription pills out of their bottles and mixed together, and hardly any clothes. All her framed photographs, including any photos of photos, were gone, presumably because she had sent them all to me in that strange package months earlier. She had also started calling and writing people to tell them her husband had died, although she knew very well that he was alive and recovering in a neighboring hospital.

Before you start making comments about how sad it is to have a grandmother in such a desperate mental state - and believe me, I have thought a lot about this over the past few days - I firmly believe that her choices placed her where she is today. My grandmother did not lead an idyllic life, nor did she strive to. She made bad choices (infidelities, problems with substance abuse, hatred towards all her family members at one point or another, etc.). I don't know if any of us will ever have an idyllic life, but my grandmother never resolved her past issues, never apologized for past offenses, never accepted the apologies of others and held grudges for 30+ years. Even if it was in her DNA to go crazy, she would have found herself in a much more pleasant situation and place than the psych ward of the Huntington Beach Hospital had she made better choices, or at the very least, made efforts to fix past offenses. I have never witnessed a truer example of where bad choices will lead you than visiting with my grandma this weekend.

I got home late Saturday night and said to Erik, "Promise me that you will NEVER send me to the psych ward at Huntington Beach Hospital. " He said, "No promises, especially because craziness runs in your family," and smiled. 60-40.

WHERE'S THE BEEF?

I read today that the USDA is recalling 143 million pounds of beef. This will affect products dating back to February 1, 2006. Above, I pasted one of the labels affected by the recall. Do you recognize that label? Me neither and thank goodness. The last thing I wanted to be doing was throwing away all the good Beef Top Sirloin Butt I had stored up in my freezer since '06. According to CNN, other products to watch out for are "6 Gallon Jugs of Beef Bile" and "1 Gallon containers of Beef Blood." Seriously, this recall is kind of scary since the supplier involved in the recall provides meat to the federal school lunch program and some major fast-food chains. If you eat fast food, try to count all the tainted burgers you've probably eaten since 2006.

Something I don't get is that part of the recall is because the Company is being investigated for shocking, kicking, and jabbing weakened cows. How are these actions any different from how cows are eventually slaughtered? Read this quote from Fast Food Nation about how the slaughtering of cows is typically performed:

"The animals keep strolling up, oblivious to what comes next, and he stands over them and shoots. For eight and a half hours, he just shoots. As I stand there, he misses a few times and shoots the same animal twice. As soon as the steer falls, a worker grabs one of its hind legs, shackles it to a chain, and the chain lifts the huge animal into the air. I watch the knocker knock cattle for a couple of minutes. The animals are powerful and imposing one moment and then gone in an instant, suspended from a rail, ready for carving. A steer slips from its chain, falls to the ground, and gets its head caught in one end of a conveyor belt. The production line stops as workers struggle to free the steer, stunned but alive, from the machinery."

I am in no way condoning this bizarre treatment of animals, but when does the treatment stop being considered "inhumane" and become typical operating procedure so that we can eat the cow?

Is it weird that even though I read Fast Food Nation's detailed description of typical slaughterhouse procedures and about all the workers who are killed, I still choose to eat meat? In fact, I crave meat. I am also very aware of all the beef by-products used in most of the soaps and cosmetics that I slap all over my face, yet I continue to do it. It's pretty gross when you think I'm just slapping beef bile all over my body. But, do I care? No! It's because I am a very visual person. If I see the meat wrapped up in plastic all "fresh-looking" and nice, I eat it without thinking once about how it got to my home. Pretty pathetic, huh?

If anything can be learned from this huge beef recall, don't eat federal lunches, fast food, or buy your meat out of the back of some guy's truck from Chino. (My mom actually did buy meat out of the back of some guy's truck once and although he wasn't from Chino, his name might have been that. Either way, after 5 minutes she had buyer's remorse and chased him around the neighborhood to return all the meat to the back of his truck. Talk about a lapse in judgment!)

LOST RECAP: DR. BEN

What the heck? Why do I expect anything on this show to make sense anymore?

In this Sayid-centered flash forward we learn that he is an assassin working to kill a bunch of people for Ben. Ben either a) works in a kennel or b) really likes dogs. He could be either a doctor or a vet. Who knows.

Back on the island, Kate and Sawyer are "on" again. Ben continues to bleed. Sayid trades the exorcist guy for the Amy Adams lookalike. Sayid and Desmond fly off the island in the helicopter. (The only thing missing at that point was the theme from Jurassic Park.) Oh, and the physicist determines that there is some sort of time warp between the island and the outside world.

Can we consider the time warp thing the point when Lost officially jumped the shark? Or was it the first time Locke saw Jacob in the cabin?

I am so confused at this point. Erik's theory is that Ben is making Sayid kill people for him in exchange for keeping the people that didn't make it back to civilization safe. My theory is that the guy at the end was not Ben, but his evil twin - Benjo. All I know is that Sayid should have killed Ben two seasons ago when he had the chance.

Anyway, so far, the "Oceanic Six" are:

Jack
Kate
Hurley
Sayid

My guesses for the other two: Jin and Sun or Claire and Sawyer.
My guess for Ben's "spy on the boat": Michael

GRADE: A

THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT

So, now I totally feel like I am living in a science fiction movie. Fox News (not the most reliable, I know) reported today that the Pentagon is planning to shoot down a spy satellite headed towards Earth in early March. The consequences if they don't? Hazardous debris will rain down over hundreds of miles. They won't say where the debris will drop, just that it is coming to a town near you.

The government's plan is to fire a missile from a U.S. Navy Cruiser. This whole thing sounds a little risky to me. The potential of missing the falling satellite is too great. Yo, President Bush, take a clue from Armageddon. Everyone knows that the way to stop the end of the world and/or a dangerous falling satellite and/or meteor is to hire a crew of low life, yet world renowned, oil drillers to ride a space shuttle to meet the satellite. The oil drillers would then land on the satellite, drill a deep hole into it, plant a nuclear bomb and then fly away really fast before it blows up. Duh.

All I know is that I would HATE to be the guy firing the missile. Too much pressure. You miss and then everyone starts making fun of you, saying how you "can't fire your missile," immature stuff like that. I wonder how many little things like this happen daily that the government doesn't even tell us about. I wonder if I should not leave the house during the first two weeks of March because if this debris is going to fall anywhere, it'll probably be in the middle of nowhere California where I live.

WARNING: AVOID THE EMERGENCY ROOM

We received our hospital bill today for Luke's finger incident.

The grand total: $1,735.45

Granted, he was going to lose his finger, but $1,735.45 for two stitches?! The most expensive item on the bill, which is itemized, is the fact that we went to the Emergency Room in the first place. The cost just to enter their doors and request services was $1,253.55. The next largest charge ($231.00) is for Dermabond Adhesive (aka Fancy Superglue). Any guesses on how much the 1/2" plastic splint for his finger cost us? $15.50!

I have been to the Emergency Room rarely, if ever, in my life. This is probably why. Fortunately, we have good insurance and will only have to pay $90 for the finger incident. However, imagine if you had to pay cash. What would you do? Luke had to get x-rays a few days after the incident and while at a different hospital filling out the appropriate paperwork, I asked if I were to pay cash for the x-rays, how much would they cost. They couldn't tell me. I doubt that many of us would elect to do something expensive without knowing the cost, but we do it all the time when we request medical services and hospitals seem to think this is perfectly normal.

Maybe instead of complaining I should just go to medical school and become a doctor because they obviously make a lot of money...

DO I CARE ANYMORE WHEN MY SHOWS WILL BE BACK ON?

The Writer's Strike is supposed to end today. From what I hear, there is a "zero chance" that this deal will not be approved by the guild. This is going to sound pathetic, but when the strike started, I was really sad. No new episodes of The Office or 30 Rock?? I was promised 16 consecutive episodes of Lost this season and I knew we were only going to get 8, I was really mad!

Then the networks started airing these crappy filler shows like The Celebrity Apprentice and American Gladiators. NBC was showing Deal or No Deal for what seemed like every night for hours at a time. As for late night television, I did miss Saturday Night Live sometimes, but Jay Leno was actually funnier without writers.

And then a month or so into the strike, I stopped caring. I stopped caring what would happen to Jim and Pam, Earl, Liz Lemon, Chuck - all of them. It just didn't matter anymore. My favorite television shows weren't on and I was surviving. Now that American Idol and Lost are back on its like I care even less about all those missing shows.

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure I'll be excited to tune in when things get going again, especially since I'll be up with a newborn in the middle of the night, desperate for anything to watch - but it doesn't seem as important to me now as it was in November. Let this be a good lesson to all of us, there are other things to do than watch television.

Anyway, here's the lowdown on when specific shows will return:

24

Expected to return this fall or January ‘09.

30 Rock
Expected to shoot 5 to 10 new episodes to air in April/May.

Chuck
No new episodes until fall.

Desperate Housewives
Expected to shoot 4 or 5 new episodes to air in April/May.

Friday Night Lights
No new episodes expected for this season. Future to be determined.

Grey’s Anatomy
Expected to shoot 4 or 5 new episodes to air in April/May

Heroes
To be determined.

Lost
To be determined.

My Name Is Earl
Expected to shoot 8 to 10 new episodes to air in April/May.

The Office
Expected to shoot 5 to 10 new episodes to air in April/May.

Private Practice
To be determined.

Pushing Daisies
No new episodes until fall.

Scrubs
Four pre-strike episodes remain. Four additional episodes will likely be shot; unclear whether they’ll air on NBC or go straight to DVD.

Ugly Betty
Expected to shoot 4 or 5 new episodes to air in April/May.

Prison Break
Two pre-strike episodes remain. Future beyond that to be determined.

PREGNANCY UPDATE

Many people have asked how my prenatal midwife appointments are different from my prenatal doctor appointments.

First of all, my midwife comes to my house! This is really great. Some people might not like this, but for me it has been a lifesaver. It saves me the hour drive each way to Bakersfield, and I don't have to find a sitter for Luke.

Next, she usually spends at least 5 minutes asking me how I am sleeping, eating, and feeling. She analyzes my diet to make sure I'm getting enough protein and might recommend certain extra vitamin supplements I should be taking based on my diet and/or blood work (i.e., iron, alfalfa capsules, etc.). If I'm not sleeping well, we'll discuss ways I can get more rest.

I'll then take a stick and do a urine sample. When I've done that, we read the stick together, noting if I'm dehydrated or anything else strange that might show up. She weighs me. Takes my blood pressure. Measures my belly. Feels my belly. We listen to the baby's heartbeat. (At this point I am usually lying on my living room couch and Luke is climbing on my head, but that's okay.)

There you have it. It really isn't too different from a doctor's visit except that my ObGyn never asked about my eating habits, read my urine sample with me, or recommended natural supplements. The midwife's visits usually average about 30 minutes, whereas the doctor's were about 10 minutes. Oh, and she gives me a hug when she leaves. My doctor never did that - thank goodness.

So far, I am very satisfied with the midwife route. I got my hair done this weekend and told one of the stylists at the salon (who I've known for 2+ years now) that I'm using a midwife and doing a home birth this time. She looked at me funny and said, "Well, at least you're not doing a waterbirth at home! That would be crazy!" I said, "Actually, I am planning to do a waterbirth at home!" She tried to backtrack, but it was kind of awkward. We've all been in situations like that though where we say things we wish we hadn't. Like that one time I asked that overweight woman when she was due and she wasn't pregnant... yeah... so I wasn't offended one bit by her comment. Just thought it was funny because I know that to most people this whole thing sounds crazy.

Things I especially like about the midwife are that she comes to my home and it really feels like a thorough exam. It means a lot to me that we discuss my diet. Although a good diet is crucial to a healthy pregnancy, I've never had an ObGyn ask me about mine. Maybe I've just had lousy doctors in the past. Either way, this has really put things in perspective. Another perk is that when I took my gestational diabetes test last week, I didn't have to go to the lab! I drank the bottle of orange stuff at home, my midwife stopped by an hour later to draw blood, and then she called me the next week with the lab results.

So, other than being large and uncomfortable, everything is progressing smoothly... only 2 months or so to go!

MOVIE REVIEW: JUNO

I genuinely enjoyed "Juno." The writing was sharp and Erik was laughing so hard at one point that I thought he was going to hyperventilate. The acting was great and the best part is that even though the movie started at 10:15 p.m., it was entertaining enough to keep me from falling asleep! I typically doze off during any movie that begins after 10 p.m. (I sound like an old person, huh?)

Lots of people have asked me if "Juno" had a good message. I don't know if I would really consider it a "message" movie. I mean, it's definitely pro-life and pro-adoption - but I saw the whole thing more as entertainment than some sort of after school special. It definitely has some "independent film" quirkiness that might turn some people off.

SPOILER ALERT: For those of you who don't know the story - Juno, age 16, gets pregnant. She thinks about having an abortion, but then decides to give the baby up for adoption. She answers an adoption ad placed by a married couple (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner) in the Penny Saver. The whole thing was pretty touching. I believed that Juno was sincerely naive when it came to friendships with married men. Jason Bateman really was kind of creepy and had issues. Jennifer Garner convinced me that she was "born to be a mother." I told my sisters that if this movie had an affair (like "Waitress") then I wouldn't go see it. Fortunately, this movie doesn't, which made me even happier about how it all plays out.

Now, here's my disclaimer: Although I really did like the movie and it has a sweet ending, I hesitate recommending it. The language is pretty harsh. Not your typical cuss words, but more like how a disillusioned and intelligent 16 year old who got herself pregnant would talk. We've all been to high school, so you should know what I mean. Then again, I don't know how they could have made a convincing movie without having Juno speak the way she did.

GRADE: A

AN UNSOLVED MYSTERY

I think I've mentioned before that Luke has gotten pretty good at telling (and sometimes even showing) me when his diaper is dirty. Well, this morning we hit a new high point in our diapering adventure.

I was talking to a friend in the kitchen, while Luke was playing with toys in his playroom. Luke suddenly walks in with his pants and diaper completely off, with wipes in his hand. He was trying to change his own diaper. In case you were wondering, yes, there was poop smeared all over his bottom because he had been trying to wipe himself.

My thoughts in this order:

1. I am a bad mother. Am I so negligent that my 19 month old must be forced to change his own diaper?

2. I desperately need to shampoo my carpet now. It appears that in the process of undressing and wiping himself that he rolled his dirty bare bottom all over the carpet. So disgusting.

3. What does this mean? I still don't think he can comprehend when he's going to go, only after the fact. Until he knows before he goes, there is no point in attempting to potty train, right? (Unless of course I want to do Elimination Communication. Just kidding.)

The real mystery is where is the dirty diaper that Luke took off? I can't find it anywhere and I'm afraid it's going to show up in a week rotting away like a dead rat in some closet somewhere. Unfortunately, after checking all the trash cans in the house, I don't think Luke was considerate enough to throw the dirty thing away. It's not under any of the beds either.

This is bad news.

LOST RECAP: I SEE WATER-LOGGED DEAD PEOPLE

We are introduced to four new characters this week - plus their abbreviated backstories. That's a lot for me to balance between all the other Lost knowledge I have to keep control of in my head. So, either kill some more people off or stop introducing new people. I vote for Hurley and Karl to die next.

This episode in a nutshell:

In flashbacks we see the discovery of another "Oceanic Flight 815" in the bottom of the ocean filled with dead people. I note the important fact that the dead pilot shown on television strangely resembles Robert Goulet. The four new characters are an emotional (maybe, gay?) physicist named Daniel, an exorcist named Miles, an Amy Adams look alike named Charlotte, and a helicopter pilot named Frank. The four new people landed all over the island, so it's kind of fun to revisit old island hangouts when we find them, like the pond where Sawyer went swimming with Kate in his jeans that one time and the rocks where Desmond lost his boat. Jack, Kate, Juliet and Sayid discover Frank's working helicopter. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of gas left, so only a few folks will be able to go back to the freighter at a time.

Meantime, in Locke's group, he tells his followers that he is obeying the orders of a really tall Walt aka "Giant Walt." Sawyer insists on killing Ben, but Locke stops him. However, Ben does continue to bleed profusely throughout the entire episode. (Maybe his secret power is that he has unlimited blood because he's been bleeding non-stop through the last 3 episodes.) I get excited when Ben shoots Charlotte because that means one less character to follow, but then it turns out she is wearing a bullet proof vest (dang it). By the end of this episode, we learn that the new people have been looking for Ben since the 1970's. (We know it has been since the 70's because Ben has a sweet leisure suit on in their picture.) At the end, Ben claims to have a guy on the new folks' ship. None of this makes sense and I have to sit for 5 minutes on the couch after the show ends to figure this out in my head.

GRADE: B+

MITT QUITS

I'm listening to Romney's emotional CPAC speech as I write this, waiting for the big bang at the end... that he's dropping out. We all know it's coming, I've even seen a transcript of the speech on the internet.

Ugh. He just said it. He's going to "stand aside."

I don't blame him one bit. I ran the delegate numbers in my head all day yesterday. The only way for him to win at this point would be be for the candidates to split the delegates enough that no one wins enough for the nomination and it is decided at the Republican Convention. Highly unlikely. I love how he's getting all this great media coverage now that he's dropping out. When is Huckabee going to do the same?

One of the few good things I see coming from this is the opportunity to see some real McCain bashing now. They're all going to turn on him. He's just too easy of a target. It also looks like the writer's strike may be ending soon, so you know SNL will have something great as well.

The other thing to do is to begin praying that Billary doesn't get the Democratic nomination, because with McCain as the nominee, I find a Republican president highly unlikely in 2009.

THIS IS SO TRUE

Here is a video clip of Joe Scarborough this morning on MSNBC talking about the news media's hatred of Mitt Romney.



Is it just me or does the anchorwoman seem really defensive?

I REMEMBER IT BEING SO MUCH BETTER

I was watching Paula Abdul's "exclusive" Super Bowl performance on You Tube the other day. You'll notice that she starts out with a clip from "Forever Your Girl" and then proceeds into her new song. That's what I call bait and switch. How very disappointing. I found her lip syncing to be pitchy, boring and, at best, cruise ship karaoke.

Watching Paula Abdul's performance reminded me of being 12 all over again. I received a cassette walkman for Christmas one year from Santa, along with some of my favorite tapes, you know, "good quality stuff," like Wilson Phillips, Milli Vanilli, and of course, Paula Abdul. I can't even begin to count how many dances and lip syncs we made up to that music. (Erik has a similar story about being 12 with his cool walkman. He said he used to listen to "The Little Mermaid" soundtrack non-stop. The thought of pudgy 12 year old Erik, with a bowl-head haircut, riding his bike to school listening to "Part of Your World" kills me every time.) However, now after watching some of my old favorite music videos on You Tube, 18 years later, I'm like, what was I thinking?



Take for example some of the lyrics sung by Paula Abdul and Mc Skat Kat in "Opposites Attract":

Who would have thought, we could be lovers?
She makes the bed,
And I steal the covers.

Those kind of things should not be said in a duet between a human and cartoon cat.


There are so many good Wilson Phillips songs, I had a hard time choosing just one. I opted for the classic, "Hold On." My friends and I used to refer to it as "HOFOMD" when we would pass notes to each other.



This video is awesome for many reasons. First, how did they get up to the top of that mountain? And poor Carne Asada, she has to wear a black suit with shoulder pads on the beach while Chynna and Wendy get to wear pseudo bathing suit/dress things.



Finally, my favorite Milli Vanilli song was "Blame it on the Rain." I specifically remember shouting/singing a heartfelt rendition of it along with the rest of my 7th grade basketball team on the school bus after we lost an away basketball game. And yes, it was raining at the time. What I also love about this music video is that this is the type of thing anyone with half-way decent editing software could make from their home computer these days.

Ah, the music of my youth.

IT'S BEEN FUN

I had to finally walk away from the t.v. around 9:15 p.m. when they started calling California for McCain. It was a stressful evening for me watching the results come in, so imagine how Mitt Romney and his family must be feeling. Especially with so much money on the line.... agh, its enough to make you sick.

So - where do we go from here? I'm not sure. I know that if McCain does win the GOP nomination that the Democrats will eat him alive. He's just too easy of a target. I refuse to vote for McCain. I won't vote for Huckabee either because his whole campaign seems based around his belief in Jesus and fantastic weight loss story. That's dandy, but what does he stand for? Hilary? Nope, I won't do that either. It looks like I might have to move to the Obama camp if Romney drops out. I know this sounds weird moving from the most conservative candidate to the most liberal, but I don't know what else to do short of leaving the country. Obama might be interesting and his family did have a nice picture. Anyway, I haven't decided either way. My head hurts and I'm irritated by how many people I spoke with today that supported Romney but weren't registered to vote. When you look at how close some of the California congressional district races were (Romney won delegates in one district by just 14 votes!), it really is a shame more people don't take this seriously.

Two interesting notes - it's not my imagination that McCain gets more media attention than all the other GOP candidates. This article proves the theory that the media are McCain's biggest fans. Also, this thing made Kelley so mad that she actually updated her blog.

MY VOTING PEP TALK

Don't forget to vote today! I think it is very common for people in the Western United States to get discouraged about voting in the evening (after work) because the results start coming in from the East Coast. You might think, "Oh, my candidate is a lost cause now because the other guy has claimed so many delegates already. My vote doesn't matter." This is hogwash - especially if you are in California - the mother of all delegates. Your vote even matters in states where there aren't as many delegates as California like Colorado, Arizona, and Utah - every delegate counts. Wouldn't it be cool if McCain lost in Arizona? I'm digressing. Anyway, please VOTE!

For my sisters, who may be more influenced to vote by Britney Spears or someone from the O.C. , here is an old "inspiring video" starring Rachel Bilson and Adamy Brody about voting!

RUMOR CONTROL!

I can not wait till Super Tuesday. I'm nervous for Romney, but really excited. I think he has a good shot at winning a majority of California's Republican delegates. Recent polls are now showing Romney ahead by 6 points here. Since I have been reading so much, I have decided to do a little rumor control for all the candidates. It's been fun researching the strange e-mail forwards I get about particular candidates. I'm trying not to make this a biased post, but it's hard not to when I dislike McCain SO much. Here's what I discovered:

MYTH #1: McCain almost left the Republican Party in 2001.

UNKNOWN. Although McCain disputes this ever happening, numerous witnesses claim to have spoken with him about this. Another rumor is that John Kerry wanted Mc Cain to be his VP. Source: The Hill, "Democrats Say McCain Nearly Abandoned GOP," 3/28/07)

MYTH #2: Barack Hussein Obama is a radical Muslim. When he was sworn into office he did not use the Bible, but the Koran. He also refuses to say the pledge of allegiance.

FALSE. Obama lived in Indonesia as a child, from 1967 to 1971, where he attended a Muslim school. However, it was a school that accepted all faiths. (Source: CNN, "CNN Debunks False Report About Obama," 1/23/07) Here is Obama addressing the rumors during the January 15th debate:



MYTH #3: John McCain's wife was addicted to painkillers and stole them from her own non-profit organization.

TRUE. In 1989, Cindy McCain became addicted to painkillers such as Percocet and Vicodin. She later attributed her addiction to emotional stress during her husband's entanglement in the Keating Five scandal of that time, which also involved her role as a bookkeeper who had difficulty finding receipts of Keating-related expenses. The addiction progressed to the point where she resorted to stealing drugs from a non-profit organization she formed that organized trips for doctors and other medical personnel to provide medical care to disaster-struck or third world countries. In 1992, McCain's parents staged an intervention to force her to get help. She attended a drug treament facility, began outpatient sessions, and ended her three years of addiction. (Source: Arizona Republic, "Overcoming Scandal, Moving On,"3/1/07)

MYTH #4: Barack Obama and Dick Cheney are cousins.

TRUE. Obama and Cheney are 8th cousins. Whoop-te-do. I don't see what the big deal is about this one. 8th cousins doesn't exactly seem close to me. (Source: MSNBC, "Lynne Cheney: VP, Obama are Eighth Cousins",10/17/07)

MYTH #5: Obama was a member of a black supremacy group in his 20's.

FALSE. Sorry, I can't find anything to confirm this. Only that the church he belongs to now, Trinity United Church of Christ, states on their website that they are "unashamedly black and unapologetically Christian." I suppose there really isn't anything wrong with their claims of being "unashamedly black," however, it does seem a bit like a double standard. Imagine how angry people would be if Huckabee attended a church that was "unashamedly white." You see what I'm saying? (Source: Time Magazine, "My Spiritual Journey," 10/16/06 and Trinity United Church of Christ Homepage)

MYTH #6: McCain is the real "Manchurian Candidate."

UNKNOWN. This is one of my favorite rumors because it is so funny. For those unfamiliar with the movie "The Manchurian Candidate," the film is about this platoon of men serving during the Korean War who are brainwashed (as POW's) with the aim of having a political assassin well positioned in American political circles. You could also think of this as a play on the motives behind Derek Zoolander's brainwashing in "Zoolander." I really can't find anything substantial enough to put here to refute or support this myth, except for the thought that he has been pretty relentless in his pursuit to become president. Is there communist brainwashing behind the madness?

MYTH #7: According to Erik's former college roommate's brother's uncle's friend, Hilary "plays for the other team" and only stays married to Slick Willie because it is politically advantageous to do so.

UNKNOWN. I can't find any credible evidence to support this myth, but Erik promises its true.

MYTH #8: McCain has a notoriously bad temper.

SORT OF TRUE. Here's a story about a "McCain Moment" -




MYTH #9: The reason the vast majority of America's conservative talk radio hosts aren't endorsing Mike Huckabee or John McCain is because Mitt Romney's investment firm, Bain Capital, owns a significant share of Clear Channel Communications, the nation's largest radio syndication company. Clear Channel Communications broadcasts The Sean Hannity Show and The Rush Limbaugh Show, both whom have either endorsed or strongly supported Romney.

It is TRUE that Bain Capital did acquire Clear Channel in 2006. They do broadcast the shows of Limbaugh and Hannity. However, it is UNKNOWN if Romney is literally buying the votes of America's most conservative talk show hosts. I really don't know how you could confirm this without actual bribery. Plus, this allegation has been coming out of Huckabee's campaign and everyone knows he's just bitter. Give it up, Huck. (Source: Clear Channel Corporate Press Release, 11/16/06) My mom just sent me this e-mail: "I just heard Romney on Sean Hannity show. He said that he left Bain in 1999. Sean said that his company is not owned by Clear Channel, though some affliates who run the show are. Rush Limbaugh said it is not a done deal--the Bain purchase."

THINGS THAT ARE CHEAPER TO BUY AT THE DOLLAR STORE (Kelley's Post)

1.) Cleaning Supplies 2.) Candles

3.) Pregnancy Tests*
4.)Painting Supplies
5.) Hot Glue Guns

6.) Catholic Figurines
*Pregnancy Test won't actually detect you are pregnant until you are in your 2nd trimester.