Earlier this week, I ordered the Phillips Life Line for Alcoholly. Since she insists on living on her own, it is imperative that she begin to use some sort of medical alert device.

The company's website features this stereotypical elderly woman wearing this necklace with a button that she can push to call for emergency help.

My telephone conversation with their salesman went something like this:

Me: Hmmm, a necklace. My grandmother is pretty fashion conscious.

Salesman: No worries. She can just tuck the necklace into her shirt and no one will see it.

Me: Yeah, that won't work.

Salesman: She could wear it on a bracelet and tuck it under her sleeve.

Me: Um, yeah, that won't work either.

Salesman: Okay....

Me: This medical alert device will be visible with everything my grandmother wears. She likes to show a lot of, um, cleavage.

Salesman: (Silence)

Age 80
July 2008

For as long as I can remember, my grandmother has never dressed like a typical grandmother. Even now, with her recent falls and need for constant assistance, she insists on wearing high heels, low cut shirts, and mini skirts.

Another Interesting Outfit
Date Unknown

I'm not sure how she's going to incorporate the medical alert device into her wardrobe. Just last night she called me, angry that I had ordered it. She didn't say this, but I have a hunch that it might clash with her style too much.

Oh, dear.


  1. HAHAHA OH I'm sure that sales man is telling everyone in the office about your conversation.

  2. I hope I look that good when I'm her age! LOL. My sister is a geriatric physical therapist who specializes in fall prevention. I think she has probably dealt with the whole "pretty shoes" issue more than you'd think.

  3. Okay, so the little boy's face in the last picture is priceless next to her! Oh, and my parents are getting one of those for my grandma who really does fall down A LOT, and they live in the same house with her (she has her own MIL apt.).

  4. I love your blog...so funny! Hey she has great legs, I wish my were that skinny now!

  5. I am so glad to have a face to put with all the Alcoholly stories! Now the conversation about the makeup makes more sense...

  6. your poor mom... if she dresses like that as grandmother I can only imagine what your mom went through having her as a mother!

  7. Yes, Amber, my childhood was very bizarre from Day One. My mom gave me the white shirt she is wearing in that July photo last week when we saw her. I could barely squeeze into that thing! No wonder her cleavage is always spilling out all over the place! I'm posting a related story re. her body on my blog as soon as I recover from my visit with her...

  8. How funny! I guess she wants to look good....I can barely wear heels now!!

  9. That is amazing. Poor Alcoholly.

  10. I am pretty sure that Miss Alcoholly will figure out a way to make the devise look fashionable! She rocks!

  11. I sure didn't picture her correctly. It is nice to see a face. She's a real looker! More power to her. I hope I look half as good as she does at 80!

  12. I can't get that top picture out of my head.



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