5.09.2008

CHUBBY BUNNY

Whenever my issue of La Leche League's Mothering magazine comes in the mail, Erik always says the same thing when he sees the ads for nursing bras, "There is no way those women have had children. NO WAY." For example, here's one of the women from an actual ad (with my arrows for added emphasis):


Besides the perky chest, you'll notice the perfectly flat belly. Anyone who's had a baby knows that your belly looks like it's been through a war zone after that child comes out. I don't care what pictures of, for example, post-baby Denise Richards look like. I bet those photos are totally doctored. There is just NO WAY anyone would come out of pregnancy looking that good.

The other night at mutual, one of the young women asked to see my belly. My naked, un-photoshopped, flabby, two week post baby belly. Taking this as an opportunity to dissuade an impressionable young women from contemplating teenage pregnancy, I gladly lifted my shirt. She immediately gasped, covered her mouth, started gagging and said, "I am never having a baby. That is disgusting!" as she ran to the bathroom to vomit. My feelings weren't hurt because I agree, it IS disgusting. The jiggly jelly belly, stretch marks, and belly button that resembles a black hole, are just many of the great sacrifices that come with the privilege that is motherhood.

What does hurt my feelings? My husband's new nickname for me is Chubby Bunny. He thinks its hilarious. I'm not laughing. Plus, isn't that the cardinal sin to call your wife, fat?

If only men would understand that the first six months (or six years) after a baby is born are really awkward for women (Denise Richards and Christina Aguilera excluded). For example, none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit. I have to keep wearing maternity pants, but I don't want anyone to know I'm wearing maternity pants, so I have to make sure my shirts are really long. On top of that, I don't want to wear maternity shirts because then it will look like I am still pregnant, although normal clothes just make me look fat. I'm too cheap to buy a new wardrobe because I'm hoping to be back to normal soon, but deep down I know I probably won't be back to my pre-pregnancy size for another year.

Agh, what's a girl to do?

Chubby Bunny, OUT

11 comments:

  1. Was that like, "Ryan Seacrest, OUT"? You could wear a girdle I guess.

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  2. ERIK IS A JERK...and I say that with all the love in the world.

    I love that you showed the YW your tummy in a form of bc. That made me laugh.

    It makes me mad that Magazines give praise to women like Denise Richards and Christina Aguilera for their perfect bodies after they give birth. I wish I had tons of money to hire a personal trainer for 6 hours a day and a nanny to watch my child while I am at the gym for 6 hours a day.. Totally unrealistic for the average women...
    I am still wearing maternity clothes.. j/k (60-40)

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  3. What are you talking about, the day I walked out of the hospital after giving birth I zipped up my size zero jeans! I'm sorry for the rest of you who have to suffer with being chubby bunny for another year! (Im totally Joking.. I had to wear my husbands sweats for the first while because that was the only thing that fit. Thats why we breastfeed!! Burns calories without getting off the couch!

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  4. Cristin, I love your blog because you are so real. Thank you for telling it how it is! I get so mad when I see fake, photo shopped pictures of celebs looking perfect while pregnant, or right after giving birth...whatever! That is why I LOVED your fat face post. I always end up showing my husband these kind of posts just incase he's been brain washed into thinking all woman should and can look like Denise Richards after giving birth or if ever. I also think that is so brave and awesome that you showed that yw your tummy. I don't think I'd be able to do it, but it's cool that you were thinking of it as a way teach (or scare). Way to go! I think Erik calls you Chubby bunny because he knows that you are naturally really skinny and he knows you'll get back to that, but still!!! K, I sorry I wrote so much. :)

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  5. You are too funny Cristin! I can't believe you showed her your tummy so soon after birth! You must have postpartum craziness - lol!

    Poor thing with the chubby bunny :)

    You looked great after giving birth to Charlie (the pic Erik posted).

    Hope all is well :)

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  6. I have a friend from my old ward in Washington that walks out of the hospital wearing her size two jeans and doesn't look like she even had a baby. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that she had secretly adopted her kids (did I mention that she has FIVE kids?). But when she's nine months pregnant, she looks like she's maybe three months pregnant. It makes me sick. But I have to say, I refer to my days with a pre-baby stomach "the good 'ol days." Darn you stretch marks!

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  7. Ok, let me say first for the record that I am bigger right now at 6 mo. pregnant than you were full term. It's totally true.

    Second,unless you're so fat that you're stuck to your toilet for a few years your husband never has the right to call you chubby...joking or not.

    Lastly, it does take a while to lose the weight and even longer to regain the muscle tone, and I appreciate your honesty. I'm tired of people who say "I lost all my weight and was back in a size 0 with tight abs within the week" b/c that's just not true. From now on I'm going to ask them to prove it :)

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  8. I had a friend in my last ward that came to church looking like she hadn't given birth...later I found out her secret....spanx. Needless to say I broke down and got a pair after Sarah (not for daily use just Sundays or going out). It made me feel like i'd actually lost my baby weight. In reality i'm with the whole year crowd for those pounds to come off! Thats a good idea thought to show your YW a post baby belly...i'm gonna have to try that!

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  9. My husband saw Jessica Alba (currently pregnant-and huge) on tv yesterday and he said "Yikes, what happened to her?" and I figured what he really meant was "How did someone with a perfect figure get so fat?" My mind went immediately to your "fat face" post as I looked at "perfect" Jessica and i was happy to see someone that used to be super glamorous, as a fat pregnant woman. HA! Of course she will also be one of those women that looks like she never WAS pregnant 2 days after she has her baby, but at least Matt was able to see the reality before her next movie.

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  10. freakin' hilarious!!! now you can join the ranks with me and my husband who lovingly grabs my muffin tops and informs me that I probably will never have to dip into our year supply...I can last quite awhile on what I've got! love it! love him...and love chubby bunny :)

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  11. I am right there with you on the clothing issue! I don't want to nor can I afford to buy new clothes until I lose the baby weight, like that is going to happen right away. So, I tried squeezing into my prepregnancy jeans the week after having Anna. I got them button and wore them for a bit, but I would not recommend doing that. It was like trying to squeeze a tube of toothpaste with the cap still on. And when you already have pressure build up down below, it really doesn't feel too great!

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