2.19.2008

FAT FACE

I had an appointment with my midwife yesterday. At 31 weeks, I measure 31! Right on schedule. Although, can someone please explain to me why she only measures my belly when other parts of me seem to be growing just as rapidly? If if was up to me, face measurement would be a standard part of every pre-natal exam, especially since mine seems to have been growing exponentially during the past few months.

Here I am at 5 weeks pregnant, my face is a little round, but not like the basketball size it is in the next picture -



Here is a picture from last week - Hello, Fat Face. How are you? Granted, the goofy hat doesn't help, but people, please don't tell me my face was always that fat! (That plea goes out to my sisters and Candace who are always just a little too brutally honest with me sometimes.)


Fortunately for my self-esteem, I am well aware that Fat Face is a normal part of pregnancy. Besides, I know (hope) it will all be okay in the end, so I'm like, whatever, bring on Fat Face. I can dig it. I love it when I whine, "Erik, I have Fat Face! I know I do!" that he doesn't even pretend to deny it to make me feel better, but just says, "You're pregnant."

I do, however, have a gripe with actresses playing pregnant women because they never have the accurate portrayal of Fat Face. The absolute worst was when Rachel was pregnant on Friends. It looked like they just strapped one of those fake pillows from Motherhood on Jennifer Aniston. The worst thing is that all the men in the world see women like Jennifer Aniston or Keri Russell pretend to be pregnant minus Fat Face, and wonder why they got jipped with a Fat Face wife. The reality is that true pregnant women blow up everywhere, not just in the belly. Anyone who doesn't is a freak and I hate you. (Just kidding about that last sentence. Kind of.)

For your viewing pleasure, and to aid in my acceptance of Fat Face, here are some other famous pregnant women to have suffered from Fat Face:

First off, it's safe for me to mention my little sister, Caitlin, because she is a disgustingly small size zero again, but compare this pre-pregnancy face -

To this 8 Months Pregnant Face-

Whoa! Can you say FAT FACE!?

You know how Sally Field does those Boniva commercials? Well, I think Catherine Zeta-Jones would be a great spokeswoman for pregnant women who suffer from Fat Face if they ever came out with a medication to control it.

Notice how Katie Holmes tries to unsucessfully hide her Fat Face by wearing a white turtleneck. It doesn't work as her face is obviously twice the size as Tom Cruise's.

Here is Britney during and before pregnancy. As you can see, she not only suffered from Fat Face, but white trash disease as well. (Not like there is anything really classy about dancing with a stuffed snake...) However, good for Brit. Fat Face and proud!

25 comments:

  1. Oh this is soooo funny!!!! and true. You'll lose it again too.

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  2. Fat face sucks....mine takes a little longer to go away. Along with my fat butt, boobs, and hips. I'm trying not to be bitter! :)

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  3. That had me laughing! Especially the comment about white trash disease. That is hilarious. But yes, at least you know that you'll get back down after you have the baby (the only thing that makes me feel remotely better when I'm 6+ months pregnant).

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  4. Hi Cristin, I had severe fat face when I was preg. Just part of it I guess. I got freaked out by your comment that you are 31 weeks and you measure 31. I thought, holy cow, my waist is 31" now and I thought I was looking pretty good. So I googled a pregnancy belly measurement chart--that explained that you were refering to fundal height, not waist/nonwaist measurement. However the first hit that came up on google was this one. Too bizarre not to share.

    http://bodypiercingstories.painfulpleasures.com/showproduct.php/product/8/sort/7/cat/16/page/1

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  5. Really, you're not that fat. Besides, those movie stars had much rounder faces than you do.

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  6. I not only had fat face..I had fat body.. As you know, I had people ask if I had gestational diabetes and if I was carrying twin....
    woe is me...

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  7. I am much relieved to hear that other people suffer from "fat face" too. I'm 16 weeks along and just took a picture of myself and was really surprised. I guess you just don't see it in the mirror. I love reading your posts!!

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  8. Cristin, Fortunalty for you, Caitlin suffered from fat face much worse than you! Sorry Caitlin. That's what happens to size 0's who put on baby weight! And by the way, I never thought I got fat face, then I looked at pictures of me pregnant with Wyatt. That was a sad day! I think I had fat face denial!

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  9. p.s. that wasn't a stuffed snake Brit was carrying- that's a REAL snake! C'mon, also I didn't know you looked up to Jennifer Aniston so much.

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  10. You have made me feel better about Fat Face..more like Fat Everything. I had someone ask me if I was having twins and when I said no, she asked me if I was sure! I am glad I am not the only one who just feels fat!
    ~Heather

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  11. Hey, remember when you posted about Brooke White on American Idol and how you thought she was Mormon? Well, I just got this link from my father-in-law:

    http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695254151,00.html

    It turns out that there are even more Mormons on the show... Pretty cool! And luckily the two that made it are two of my favorites. ;-)

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  12. Holy crap. Chalk that up as one more good bit of birth-control--can't seem to get enough of it these days.

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  13. That post really made me laugh...and wonder. Did I suffer from fat face too? Now I have to go back and check my pictures.

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  14. ahaha, I was laughing so hard at this one! I totally had fat face- and then slap on Jabba the hut face after I had Leyna from pushing so hard...ah, it was a while before my cheeks had real lines again. But you look cute, and it is all part of being pregnant! At least pregnant women who are healthy have a glow about them- maybe thats a built in thing to detract from fat face

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  15. Thanks for this post! So funny! Not feeling as bad about my fat face now! Only 9 fat weeks to go!

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  16. Fantastic, now i REALLY can't wait to have kids. Since I already have a fat neck (seriously, when I put my chin down it disappears into folds of neck!) UGH---thanks a lot grandpa for the genetics. So, now I guess after I get pregnant we can see my neck's full potential!

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  17. (cristin's mom) I remember when you returned from Denmark after 6 mos of gorging on pastries and pounds of that almond paste. Now that was what I'd call a fat face!

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  18. I have the worst fat face while pregnant. I have this picture of me holding Hayden when he was minutes old and I look like Roseanne Barr - Zach confirmed this. We take it out sometimes and we laugh and laugh...aww good times. You'll love the fat face pictures once you have the baby b/c then ANY amount of weight you lose seems monumental! Oh and my fat face looks even worse the shorter my hair gets so I am keeping my hair long while pregnant to help hide the fat face.

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  19. I am a horrible person. I loved seeing all of this normally thin people with chubby faces. Welcome to my world...daily. (It's been a rough week).

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  20. (Caitlin) I know I had the worst fat face.. I GAINED ALMOST 50 POUNDS WHILE PREGNANT! .. remember that Jonah only weighed 6!

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  21. Oh the joys of pregnancy! I'm 24 weeks and my fat face is coming on....along with my prego butt! Why do butts get pregnant too?

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  22. You crack me up. I almost spit on the computer at the comment about white trash disease. I looked at some pictures the other week and I had a total fat face. I had kankles too. I don't know what I hate more.

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  23. You are so right! When I put Carson to bed, I looked at my face in the mirror and had the realization that I too suffer from far-faceness. I think I have been in denial. I guess it could be worse...I could look like Katie Holmes. She had it bad!

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  24. Cristin, that was a *real* snake. (Not like it makes it any less white trash...)

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  25. This was the most helpful webpage! You are my hero... I am 8 mos along and just had to get a new drivers license. I will now be stuck with a "fat face" reminder for the next 8 years. So frustrating! :)

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