On Friday night we were admiring an iPhone display at the Apple Store when suddenly Luke threw up all over everything... an iPhone, a computer, and the floor. It wasn't nice little spit up, but real throw up, you know, "chunkies." I wanted to curl up into a ball and roll out of the store in complete humiliation. Instead, Erik, my mother-in-law and I furiously used baby wipes to clean up as much as we could, and then I was like, "Let's go. Now. Please."

I thought that was humiliating, and then tonight while we were playing "Apples to Apples" with friends, Luke attacked a heavy duty floor lamp and caused it to fall right onto my head. While I was grateful that he hadn't hit the 9 month pregnant girl to my left, he broke our friend's floor lamp and left me dizzy with a bag of frozen green beans on my head for the remainder of the game. About 5 minutes after that incident, Luke threw a frozen bag on my leg really hard. When we finally got into the car to go home, I broke into tears. Partly because I had been holding inside how much my head and leg really hurt, and partly because the whole thing was really embarrassing. (I even still feel a little dizzy as I write this, 4 hours after the lamp hit me.)

Sometimes it is super humbling being a mother. I think I finally understand my Mom's "Taco Bell" incident now. Once, as a teenager, I was eating at Taco Bell with all my sisters and Mom, when my sister, Caitlin, peed in the booth. Instead of cleaning it up, my Mom just said, "Let's go" and we
ran out of there. I always thought that was awful that some poor Taco Bell employee had to find and clean Caitlin's mess up. Yet, after these past few days of being publicly humiliated and bruised, I have realized that my Mom was probably just feeling the same way I do now - defeated and tired. Of course, Luke has no clue what he's doing to me and when I look at him I can't believe that this sweet little boy has the power to be so destructive. Luckily, life goes on, bumps heal, and egos rebound.


  1. Hi Cristin--You don't know me but I live in Mesa and attend the same ward as your brother-in-law, Steffen (cool kid). Anyway, I was telling him how I love blogs and he said yours was hilarious, so of course I started reading it. I am totally impressed. As lame as I must sound, I think your "Ordinary Housewife" stories are quite clever, and I hope someday my newborn blog will grow up to be as good as yours. Thanks for being part of my inspiration.--Camille from AZ

    p.s. Do you mind if I put a link to your blog on mine? As one of my must-reads?

  2. I feel for you. First a puking kid in public is bad enough (I was always super concerned that my water would break in public and that would be bad, but a puking kid?? On stuff.) then the broken lamp, that hits you on the head! At least Erik didn't ask to stay longer so he could take care of some business in the bathroom, did he?

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  4. I will never forget when mom told us, "we can never go back to taco bell". I also have a story...

    One time when I was 15 I was baby sitting these kids in camarillo and there was a thunder storm going on outside. we opened up the back door to take a look at the lightening when BAMMMM!!!! one of the kids had shut the sliding door right on my head! I wanted to cry because it hurt so bad, but at the same time I noticed one of the other kids at over turned some furniture. It was a really hard night.

  5. As always, seriously hilarious...and I feel perfectly content to be single. Not that I don't want babies, someday, but you just help me see (along with a few other mommies out there) that I need to enjoy my single life for all it's worth.

  6. When my sister was married but hadn't had kids yet, and my brother was married with one small kid, my sister and her husband took my brother's family out to a nice restaurant in Liberty, MO. My nephew had a massive diarrhea blow-out under the table all over the carpet. My brother and his wife wanted to just leave, since it was under the table. My sister told them they had to clean it up with baby wipes and then leave a huge tip.
    When I was a kid I accidently broke a car's taillight with my bike's handle bars. It belonged to someone visiting our neighbor. My dad and the guy argued over a reasonable cost of replacing the taillight. Then those people moved into our ward. That made it nice to see them at church.

  7. Wow, I am so sorry. He needs a leash. I don't recall peeing in taco bell. Sorry for the embarrassment. I probably just knew that anything was better than using taco bell's restrooms.

  8. oy Cristin, I am sorry about that one, getting hurt in front of other people is especially the worst, it's happened to me several times and you want to be graceful but you want to try and run out of there as fast as you can! I hope your head feels better and Luke learns not to break other people's stuff over his mom's head. Larry's and my motto lately is "kids happen".

  9. Cristin, I'm so very sorry. Kids do such embarrassing stuff sometimes.

    Today Hayden bawled his head off at the grocery store b/c I bought the wrong kind of root beer (p.s. I hate root beer, I have no idea why kids love it) for our pizza party tomorrow night. I would have put it back but I also got it for my two nephews and they didn't deserve to be punished. Seriously, 5 aisles of people were staring at the bad mom with the cry-baby for a kid. He's now taking a nap, I don't care that he's 5.5.

    I just want you to know that I've been there. In fact, Owen broke my sister-in-law's collector glass lighthouse yesterday. My kids embarrass me ALL THE TIME.



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