6.24.2007

JUST DON'T DO IT

Ugh, I hate stupid questions. Some people like juicy gossip. Others like to ask dumb things just to make conversation. Either way, there are just some things that should not be asked! However, everyone is usually too impatient for people to talk about the "good stuff" and they jump the gun with ridiculous questions. In the right setting, this information can bond people and help form lasting friendships, but it must be offered, not demanded!

TOP 4 WORST QUESTIONS OF ALL TIME!

4. How much money do you make?
You're asking for trouble with this one. Either they are going to feel bad and you feel good, or vice versa. It's much better to go on salary.com and feel lame because you don't make as much as their inflated pseudo-salaries that no one gets paid. Or maybe everyone earns way more than I ever did. I guess we will never know because I will never ask.

3. Did everything come out okay?
(Typically asked by men (boys) after a woman returns from the restroom.) This is the oldest joke ever and not funny unless you are 7. My biggest advice to single men looking for a wife is to never EVER ask this question if you are looking for a serious relationship. On the contrary, this is a great question if you are trying to break up with someone.

2. Why aren't you married?
Erik's unmarried aunt told me she used to answer this one with "Uh, because I pick my nose." I mean, really, how do these people expect you to answer that? Equally bad is assuming someone is getting married when they are not. I was sitting in sacrament meeting in my singles ward once when the Bishop had my friend Dalin stand up with his girlfriend. The Bishop said in front of a congregation of almost 100 people, "Dalin, is there something you and Julie would like to announce?" They both stood there mortified, until finally Dalin mumbled, "Um, no." They broke up really soon after that.

1. Are you pregnant?
I could write a book about this one! My boss asked me if I was pregnant (when I really was about 6 weeks along) and I said solemnly, "That's an illegal question." He was a lawyer and I think it scared him, so he got really quiet after that and went home. Equally bad is, "Are you trying?" I was asked this by the cashier at the health food store a few months ago and I responded, "I'm breastfeeding. What if I let you know when I have a period, how does that sound?"

Now, here's where I confess my sins. Our first Sunday in Tehachapi I was in the bathroom changing Luke's diaper when a "larger" woman came in and kindly said, "Don't you wish you had more hands?" I smiled and said, "When are you due?" She just stared at me. I suddenly realized what I had done and tried to recover by loudly saying, "What do you do! What do you do!?" She laughed, so maybe my recovery worked or maybe she's telling this story on her blog right now. Either way, she still comes to church, so all is good. I felt like the biggest idiot though. Doh!

Honorable Mentions:
- When are you due? (said after you had the baby)
- Is that what you're wearing? (said by my husband 2 minutes before leaving the house for a party)
- How can those poor single returned sister missionaries attend the temple without a husband? (I honestly heard this once. I responded smugly, "Well, it sure was nice attending the temple with my husband when we were dating.")

To form a "bond and lasting friendship" with all of you, I will offer to answer the four worst questions ever:
4. $0
3. Yes, thanks for asking.
2. N/A
1. No and that is rude.

22 comments:

  1. I would like to add, "Are your renting or buying" to that top worst questions asked. That's the only thing that people in our new ward asked us for the first 6 months. I guess they didn't want to be friends with anyone that wasn't planning on sticking around for a while, but we thought it was so weird and nosy. Is that a weird/rude question to ask someone?

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  2. What about "Does this make me look fat?" That's got to be on the worst questions to ask list, because there is no right answer. If you say "no" somehow, your credibility is called into question. If you say "yes", well, I've never been that brave...

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  3. Cristin I think you forgot the worst question ever. Asking a 13-14 year old boy "Do you like boobies?" by their mother. Trapped. In a car. On the freeway where they can't just open the door and roll out without getting plowed by a semi. Although, it did cross my mind.

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  4. I agree that "Are you Trying?" Is the strangest question ever- what does that mean? I know what it means, but it's basically like asking someone if they are having sex, and if they are having it often. It's just odd and a little awkward if you really think about it.

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  5. Although it isn't a question, I think a topper of your list should be when a couple IS pregnant and the response from others is "Good job!"..Yeah, way to go knocking her up (or something a little less crude). But you get the idea.

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  6. wow! This blog should be a memo that's passed out at church. Or just hand this out to anyone who ever asks you a stupid question like that. I hated when I first got married and everyone asked me when i was going to start trying to have a baby! I started responding that i couldn't have children. And now it's "so was this planned or a suprise?" That really annoys me too.

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  7. I hate when people ask me, "so how do you like being married?" the other night at a bbq this girl I had just met asked me that. I really hate this question. I am really close to say "I don't. that is why I am leaving him tonight- shhh don't say anything... but thanks for asking."

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  8. a better question to ask- "how is married life?"

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  9. I agree with the question "are you renting or buying?" When we moved to Herndon, everyone asked us that question. It's like they know that if you rent, you'll be staying for like a year or two, so to not bother making friends with you. But since we bought, wow we are popular!

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  10. Now that I am a stay at home mom people will ask me, "So what do you do all day." Are they serious! Do they really want a list of my daily activities? Usually I say, "Oh nothing I just sit around and watch TV."

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  11. You are hilarious!

    It's amazing how dumb people really are.

    And in answer to the single question (because I feel like bonding): It's because I swear.

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  12. I guess those questions don't bother me that much, I think I just assume that whoever is asking is not TRYING to be offensive or rude, they just perhaps have an overly friendly, curious, and open personality :), some people are just that way, so I just try and take it as positively as I can :)

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  13. Elisa, you're so nice. We have friends out here without kids, and they love to answer the "Are you trying" question with, "Yes, we're trying VERY hard." My sis-in-law Marlie was getting her teeth cleaned by a larger woman one day and asked her "When are you due?" The lady, trying to help Marlie out, said, "WHAT do I do? Oh, I..." but Marlie cut her off and said, "No, no - WHEN are you due? Your baby?" Needless to say it was a really awkward cleaning and she'll never ever make that mistake again. How funny that Mark asked you that. Somehow it's a little better if it's a guy that asks b/c they're so clueless. One of our YW asked my counselor if she was pregnant. Time for an activity on etiquette, I'd say.

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  14. Danica - It wasn't Mark, he did employment discrimination so no, he never asked me anything like that. It was my boss here in California... the same guy who asked our Mexican receptionist if she wanted to be his cleaning lady because she was from the "Nard" (Oxnard). He later said he was joking, but I say 60-40. Surprisingly, the California lawyer is still one of my favorite bosses ever, despite the interesting humor.

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  15. Since you're talking about rude people and Mormons (are they synonymous?:) I'll add a comment: many years ago, our first Sunday in our new ward in Gresham,Oregon, a girl came up to me and gushed, "Oh, this is soooo great to have another young family in our ward! What's your husband's name...I'll tell my husband to look for him in Elder's Quorum." I told her my husband's name, then explained that my husband didn't attend Elder's Quorum because he wasn't a member of the church. I'll never forget the look on her face. Without a word she turned around, walked away and never spoke to me again.
    But wait, there's more to the story. Fast forward 15 years to Southern California. I was using this incident (without divulging where and when it occured) as an example in a RS class I was teaching on Friendship. Afterwards an older lady came up to me and expressed her condolences on how I was treated. "There's only one place I've ever lived where the (church)members had such an attitude," she said. "Oh, where was that?" I asked. "Gresham, Oregon," she replied. Small world, isn't it? (Cristin's Mom)

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  16. This is a great post...loving the comments. On the whole mormon thing, I also have learned not to ask men where they served a mission, but if they served one. I have two brothers', both who are married in the temple, active great mean, who didn't serve missions for different reasons.

    And that's great to just assume people don't mean to be offensive, but I still think it's important to educate people (our family and friends) so that they don't end up feeling ignorant.

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  17. I can't tell you how nice it is to live away from where we grew up finally. It seems like people who knew us as kids feel like they don't need to have any tact or common sense when asking questions of us and our lives. My youngest is three years old and I have yet to have anyone ask me when or if we are planning on more. At home in Camarillo, we would have been asked this at our youngest's blessing, or possibly on his entering nursery.

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  18. Not only have I had these questions asked of me, but I'm guilty of asking several of these -- not the bathroom one, that's just gross! Since I've "experienced" life I don't ask them anymore. If someone wants you to know, they'll tell you. I get "isn't time to have more"? And sometimes I want to say, "well, maybe but I don't like the one I have, do you want him?" But when I tell them the truth they feel just as bad, and then they learn a lesson not to ask that question again. (at least I hope so)

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  19. I am cracking up. When we moved here a girl from my ward came in my apt., gave it the once over, and asked "so what does your husband do for a living?" Basically, why don't you guys have nicer stuff? lol. I just said, "nothing".

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  20. Oh, one more. Also right after we moved here, one of Zach's old friend's came up to us and said, "only one kid? What, you don't like kids? We have three." Like it was some kind of race. I still hate that guy.

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  21. My favorite question is "How can those poor single returned sister missionaries attend the temple without a husband?" This question really bothers me. So are they saying "You don't have a life if you don't have a husband". I wonder if they say the same thing about widows going to the temple?

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  22. Those are all horrible questions. Ben asked me privately if someone in our ward was pregnant, and she is NOT. So I'm really glad he didn't ask her. That would have been EMBARRASSING!!!! Recently we attended a work event where we were asked 5-7 times in one night if we were trying to have children and if not when were we planning. UGH! We have only been married for a year- lay off.

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