Ugh, I hate stupid questions. Some people like juicy gossip. Others like to ask dumb things just to make conversation. Either way, there are just some things that should not be asked! However, everyone is usually too impatient for people to talk about the "good stuff" and they jump the gun with ridiculous questions. In the right setting, this information can bond people and help form lasting friendships, but it must be offered, not demanded!
4. How much money do you make?
You're asking for trouble with this one. Either they are going to feel bad and you feel good, or vice versa. It's much better to go on salary.com and feel lame because you don't make as much as their inflated pseudo-salaries that no one gets paid. Or maybe everyone earns way more than I ever did. I guess we will never know because I will never ask.
3. Did everything come out okay?
(Typically asked by men (boys) after a woman returns from the restroom.) This is the oldest joke ever and not funny unless you are 7. My biggest advice to single men looking for a wife is to never EVER ask this question if you are looking for a serious relationship. On the contrary, this is a great question if you are trying to break up with someone.
2. Why aren't you married?
Erik's unmarried aunt told me she used to answer this one with "Uh, because I pick my nose." I mean, really, how do these people expect you to answer that? Equally bad is assuming someone is getting married when they are not. I was sitting in sacrament meeting in my singles ward once when the Bishop had my friend Dalin stand up with his girlfriend. The Bishop said in front of a congregation of almost 100 people, "Dalin, is there something you and Julie would like to announce?" They both stood there mortified, until finally Dalin mumbled, "Um, no." They broke up really soon after that.
1. Are you pregnant?
I could write a book about this one! My boss asked me if I was pregnant (when I really was about 6 weeks along) and I said solemnly, "That's an illegal question." He was a lawyer and I think it scared him, so he got really quiet after that and went home. Equally bad is, "Are you trying?" I was asked this by the cashier at the health food store a few months ago and I responded, "I'm breastfeeding. What if I let you know when I have a period, how does that sound?"
Now, here's where I confess my sins. Our first Sunday in Tehachapi I was in the bathroom changing Luke's diaper when a "larger" woman came in and kindly said, "Don't you wish you had more hands?" I smiled and said, "When are you due?" She just stared at me. I suddenly realized what I had done and tried to recover by loudly saying, "What do you do! What do you do!?" She laughed, so maybe my recovery worked or maybe she's telling this story on her blog right now. Either way, she still comes to church, so all is good. I felt like the biggest idiot though. Doh!
- When are you due? (said after you had the baby)
- Is that what you're wearing? (said by my husband 2 minutes before leaving the house for a party)
- How can those poor single returned sister missionaries attend the temple without a husband? (I honestly heard this once. I responded smugly, "Well, it sure was nice attending the temple with my husband when we were dating.")
To form a "bond and lasting friendship" with all of you, I will offer to answer the four worst questions ever:
3. Yes, thanks for asking.
1. No and that is rude.